How to be the best person you can be

You’re lucky enough to be different, never change. Taylor Swift

Every day our aim should be to be the best person we possibly can be, whether someone is looking at us and watching what we are doing or not. We should always act in line with our values and morals and strive to be the person we want to be. This is not only a key to happiness but if you’re currently suffering from depression, this is the key to moving you beyond your current state.

The first step is figuring out what you can do to be the best person that you can be. This week, Happiness Weekly gives you some ideas for where to begin.

Write down your values
Ask yourself what really matters to you – not just in yourself, but also consider the qualities you value in other people. Sometimes it’s easy for us to look at people and see what we don’t like, but spend another second and consider the features you do like. Write a list of the things you value – whenever you feel as though life isn’t heading in the direction you want it to, refer back to these – they will keep you grounded and remind you of who you are and who you want to be.

Figure out who you want to be
Which leads us to the next point! You need to take some time to figure out who you want to be. Consider all your close friends and all the things you really admire in each of them. You can even look at celebrities you want – even physical features – what hairstyle you like, fake tan or no tan, how you like your makeup done etc. Pick all the best qualities and features from the people you have selected to act as role models – physical and psychological features – and form a list of things you need to do to become the best you that you can be. Then start setting some goals to help you become the person you want to be.

Diet
It’s no surprise that what you put into your body helps with the way you feel about yourself, and also how you feel about others. If you eat fresh foods and plenty of fruit and vegetables you will feel better about everything, therefore contributing to you becoming the best person you can be. Simple!

Exercise
If you sit at home like a couch potato all day, I can guarantee – you will feel that way. But if you look forward to the sunshine and take yourself out for some exercise each day – even if it’s just a walk, I can promise you will feel a lot better about yourself. No one compliments the person who sits on the couch, the best figure is earned. To get energy that shines from your soul, try to do 40 minutes to an hour of exercise a day.

Do what you like to do
Everyone has at least one thing they enjoy doing. Whether it’s taking part in a hobby, going out with friends or family, or having a full on pamper day. Whatever it is – do it! Treat yourself. If you can’t afford it, set goals so you can. Particularly if you are suffering from depression or anxiety, it’s ideal to complete an activity you enjoy a couple of times a week. Not sure what you enjoy? Don’t enjoy much because you feel so low? Push yourself! No one will take any pain that you’re suffering away from you – not even the person who caused it. If you push yourself to do the activities you usually enjoy, before you know it – you’ll be back on the path to being your old, vibrant self again.

Act with integrity
The key to being the best person you possibly can be is acting with integrity. Do what you say you will do. Keep promises. Turn up on time. Be accountable. Take responsibility. Do the right thing all the time. Metaphorically speaking: don’t do things behind closed doors that you wouldn’t do while those doors are open. The truth always comes out in the wash. It’s when we don’t do the right thing that our conscience interferes with our moods and actions and we can actually never be happy in that state. So if we do the right thing all the time – by ourselves and those around us – we will feel a lot happier, than if we’re sneaking around.

Get the job you want
Being employed is really important, even if you’re suffering from depression and finding it impossible to get out of bed. Losing your job would just add to the pain. The trick is to find a job that works for you – no puns intended. Work the hours that you want to work and get the income that you want to earn. Your dream job is out there – the trick is finding it. If you aren’t feeling on deck, I strongly advise avoiding the interviewing process until you are. An added rejection will not make you feel any better – but you could use this as incentive to get back on track faster!

Reassess your friends
Look at the people in your life that you have surrounded yourself with. Reassess if you really need them there or not. Consider how they make you feel about yourself. Remember in order to be the best, you need to be surrounded by the best. Get rid of anyone from your life who is holding you back or trying to drag you down. Remember, if they’re dragging you down, they’re beneath you already so moving forward from that relationship would be doing yourself a favour!

Don’t give up
Everyone has good days and bad days. You’re not always going to be the person you want to be. Sometimes you will do something that’s not like you at all – you’ll probably feel guilty and horrible rather than validated and good. Forgive yourself openly and get back on track as soon as you can. And remember, sometimes what we wish for isn’t what we need. Sometimes we need to carefully re-evaluate the things we want in order to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Set goals
Every achievement makes us feel a little better, more validated and more powerful within ourselves. Set realistic goals to lead you to becoming the best person you can be. Don’t tie the goals to someone else, ensure they’re all about you. Remember to be patient with yourself and that every sunrise leads you further from the storm.

As a general rule: if it makes you feel bad, don’t do it. Being the best person you can possibly be will only ever make you feel good! Best of luck in your journey to becoming the best person you can be.

Discover your emotional blocks (and take control of your happiness)

Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way. Les Brown

When we’re not 100% content with our lives, there’s generally something blocking us from being that way. Sometimes we need to know where the problem is (what’s blocking us), other times we need to ask ourselves a few honest questions (why are we allowing it to block us from moving ahead).

Everyone has a purpose in life. Everyone can be better than what they currently are. Everyone has potential to be happier. Sometimes we need to examine and remove our emotional before we can move ahead in life. Generally the things that block us are our fears and insecurities.

Sometimes life is about feeling the fear and doing it anyway – besides – what’s the worst that could happen? By discovering your emotional blocks, you will find other areas of your life improving, including: career success, love life, weight loss, relationships, happiness, freedom and self-esteem. Overcoming your emotional blocks will help you overcome other issues that are currently stopping you from succeeding including: limiting beliefs, self-destructive behaviours (as you will become more self-aware) and you’ll go from being lost to discovering what you truly want. Removing your emotional blocks isn’t easy because sometimes it means some tricky changes are ahead, but it’s rewarding!

History is full of people who experienced the worst difficulties and succeeded anyway, primarily because of their clarity, persistence and sense of purpose. This week, Happiness Weekly helps you to discover your blocks and take control of your happiness. If you’re currently feeling stuck – this blog is for you!

What is an emotional block?
Your emotional blocks are reactions that you create in response to the world. Similar to behaviours, they are actions that you choose and therefore have control over. By choosing how you perceive yourself, you can either change to start behaving differently and achieve success, or continue as you are and continue getting results you’re not happy with.

Defining symptoms of emotional blocks
Let’s get some psychological jargon out of the way and define what our emotional blocks may be:

Internal dialogue is a conscious conversation you have with yourself about everything you experience. With the theory that each though creates a physical change, it ultimately provides us with a functional change in our lives.

Labelling, as a psychologist once told me, is nothing but destructive because it can stop us from accepting things in a positive way. However, humans tend to organise things into categories, even labelling other humans into groups, subgroups, classes and functions. We tend to “live” the categories we’ve attached to ourselves. It’s kind of like the “believe it before you see it” and “fake it til you make it” theories – which are both positive ways for how we can use labelling.

Tapes are beliefs that have become so deeply ingrained that they become subconscious. They “play” in our minds and influence our behaviour without us being aware. Tapes have the power to set you up for a specific outcome.

Fixed or limiting beliefs are the beliefs we hold about ourselves, others and life circumstances that have been repeated for so long they have become ingrained and are difficult to change. Limiting beliefs are the beliefs we have about ourselves that limit what we reach and achieve. They generally stop up from receiving any positive information which confirming any new negative information. If you pay attention to your inner dialog (self-talk), you may find beliefs that lead to anxiety, depression and irritation. Such beliefs can sap your motivation and hinder or prevent you from finding creative solutions to your problems.

How can we overcome our emotional blocks?
1. Set goals. Goal setting is a fundamental part of success – it helps us know where we’re going so we can move ahead in the right direction, and also measure how we’re tracking. If we can’t accurately define our goals, what chance do we have of actually achieving them? Have you ever heard the expression “Failing to plan is a plan to fail”? This is where it comes in.

2. Monitor your progress. Once you know where you want to go, you can accurately and honestly assess exactly where you currently are. Knowing where you are in relation to where you want to be enables you to monitor your progress. Take inventory of your current situation to get an accurate picture of where you are.

3. Review your focus point. It’s important to focus on what you do want to take your focus on the negatives and looking at what you don’t want. While it can be important to consider the worst case scenario so we can avoid possible pitfalls, we need to resist any temptation to focus on that conclusion – we can do this by focusing more on the best case scenario. Sometimes the fear of failing or making a costly mistake can act like a powerful emotional magnet that captures our attention in subtle ways. Overcoming this emotional block is like learning to ride a bike, if you look down, it’s likely that you will fall off but if you look where you’re going – you’ll move ahead in that direction.

4. Discover your internal conflict. If we haven’t taken the time to discover our deepest personal standards and values, then we are vulnerable to this kind of inner disharmony. To create internal harmony, we must live and act in harmony with our core values and beliefs, but we can’t do that if we don’t know what those values are. Pay careful attention to this, especially if there seems to be some self-sabotaging tendencies. The best way to avoid this emotional block is to analyse your deepest core values and ensure everything is in harmony with them, or if not, knowing how to change them. If you struggle with this, I highly recommend the book Schema Therapy by Jeffrey E Young.

5. Review limiting beliefs. Limiting or obsolete beliefs are your beliefs about what you think you are not capable of, and what you think you do or do not deserve. They may have been established during childhood and have now become redundant or outlived their purpose. Others may be leftover from situations and circumstances that are no longer relevant. If this is your greatest emotional block, you may need to seek assistances from a psychologist to get past it.

6. Delegate personal responsibility. The quality of our life is our personal responsibility. We can either accept conditions as they are, or accept the responsibility to change them. We are the only person responsible for our decisions and actions. Taking personal responsibility is one of the most liberating things you can do because it completely eliminates the temptation to blame anyone or anything and it puts you in control.

7. Embrace change. When we successfully break out emotional attachments to “what is”, we allow room for growth. On an emotional level, there is a sense of security related to “hanging on” and this causes us to be resistant to change. As you embrace small changes in your life, your emotional security anchors shift, over time your resistance will fade and you will find comfort and security in a more fluid reality. When this happens, continued personal growth becomes your new security anchor. Practise letting go – it can be challenging but it is rewarding.

Rational people with good mental health know what they want, how they feel and why they feel that way. They find solutions to problems quickly. They have similar challenges to less happy people – but they are able to deal with them faster. Healthy people don’t get stuck for long – they rarely sabotage themselves because they acknowledge the damaging effects it can have. What have you done to overcome your emotional blocks in the past?

How to win trust back

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. George MacDonald

It’s possible – Bill Clinton did it! Earning trust back and getting your life on track doesn’t need to mean the end – unless you continue lying. If it’s true that Lance Armstrong lied in his interview (OMG! Who lies to Oprah?!), then there’s no doubt that he will have a lot of trouble earning trust and respect again. The problem when people keep lying is that people stop believing and when someone stops believing then it’s over. This week, Happiness Weekly looks at how you can win back trust:

STOP LYING! – It’s essential that you come clean to whoever you need to, without causing any further pain, damage or anxiety where possible. Honesty is the best policy.

TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH – Tell the person you have hurt or disappointed exactly what you did and try not to leave anything out or avoid any further lying. Don’t make excuses or place blame.

APOLOGISE – Acknowledge what you have done and take full responsibility for your actions. Apologise. Prepare to take on the consequences whatever they may be.

ACCEPT – Take full responsibility for your actions. Accept that people may not forgive you straight away for your actions, be patient. They may not forgive you at all, accept that as soon as you can.

BE PERSISTENT – If you are sure you want to get your relationships back on track after you have hurt people with lies and deception, prepare for the rejections and be persistent. Spend your time demonstrating how you have changed for the better and prove that it won’t happen again.

BE PATIENT – Don’t force people to forgive you or try putting ideas into their heads about why they should forgive you. Be patient – if you’re pushy you will push them away.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES – Get set to change your behaviour to ensure you don’t repeat your mistakes. Take steps in a positive direction that will earn people’s trust back.

FORGIVE YOURSELF – If you keep going over it and you’re down on yourself, you’ll only highlight what you did wrong. Try to forgive yourself as quickly as possible.

TRUST – Trust the person you’re asking for forgiveness. Allow them to be guarded with you going forward. It will take time for their wounds to fully heal.

When was the last time you hurt someone with a lie? What was it about? Did you ask for forgiveness? If so, what happened?

All about Happiness Weekly and what’s ahead

An interview with Sarah Webb, founder of Happiness Weekly

What is Happiness Weekly?
Happiness Weekly is a blog that promotes self-awareness and personal development to not only better yourself, but also to create an impact on others around you. It’s designed to encourage proactive problem solving that respects the rights and wellbeing of others, while being mindful of how everyday dilemmas can be turned into a positive experience. Through effective communication you can still achieve what you desire, but also take into account the needs, wants and feelings of others.

When was Happiness Weekly created?
Happiness Weekly was an idea which sprouted in November 2011 and grew into a weekly commitment in 2012. When I initially started Happiness Weekly, it was actually a really difficult time for me. It felt as though the universe was closing the doors on me from all angles: my long-term boyfriend wasn’t as he’d appeared, the people in my life I thought I could count on: abandoned me. It was a very lonely time. I was forced to move back home with my parents, which included giving up my fulltime job (in hindsight this was a bad choice as I loved my job and the people I worked with at the time!). All I really had at the time was my health, and not surprisingly from the stress, that was a little hit-and-miss at the time as well. I actually began posting Happiness Weekly blogs during the eye of the storm on Friday, 25 November 2011, which is why there are long gaps between. I became more regularly committed to the concept in February 2012 and haven’t looked back! Although it was a painful thing to go through, I have not looked back. My life has now completely changed for the better. I am now passionate about enhancing the lives of others – particularly when they’re going through a hard time like mine, and sharing messages of hope and inspiration. I don’t deny that it was challenging to get where I am, but if I wasn’t proactive in the steps I took, then I may be somewhere else – and it’s knowing what steps to take and how to respond to certain situations that can seem the most daunting when you are suffering from a significant amount of personal pain – but can also be the most rewarding.

Why is it called Happiness Weekly?
Each week (generally early in the week) there is a new blog post. That means that each week my readers receive a positive message or learn something that could improve their life in a positive way, which will enhance their happiness and wellbeing. If my post each week is thought-proving enough to start a simple conversation, and raises awareness about various everyday topics and situations, and promotes effective communication, then Happiness Weekly’s goal is achieved.

What are you most passionate about in life?
My biggest passion in life is to combat bullying – in schools, workplaces and just in everyday social situations. I think it’s a highly underrated topic and so much more can be done. I would love to work for an organisation that promotes awareness and proactive solutions to bullying in a way to evict it from schools, homes, workplaces and communities. Ideally I would love to change the system enough so that every individual person bullied has someone reliable to turn to who can also help them to proactively work through their issues in a way that is assertive but doesn’t encourage the aggression to continue. It may sound idealistic, but ultimately I want to have a hand in significantly reducing bullicides across the globe. If every victim has a solution or someone to walk with them through to the solution so they are not alone, and every bully was aware of how their actions and words affect others – there’s a chance bullying could be eliminated.

There’s a lot of personal development stuff out there – what makes you different?
I love people and I talk to them! If someone writes to me or tries to communicate, I will respond as soon as I possibly can. I love inspiring people. I love sharing ideas and having other people share their ideas with me. I encourage ambition, individuality and change. I have clear values and beliefs that are the vein of every article I publish. And I’m practical – not extreme. I believe in trying new things, but don’t look at anything too extreme. I think the course section and awareness calendar information also sets Happiness Weekly apart from other blogs out there.

Where do all the ideas come from for the blogs?
A lot of my inspiration comes from my everyday life and general conversations with people. Many of my friends approach me for advice about various topics. Or I may encounter my own problems (life’s not always smooth sailing!), and that’s what I start researching that topic and ideas to positively solve it and I want to share that with my readers and strengthen their knowledge and positive actions in various areas. We can always learn something! Some of my friends, particularly my partner, will read my blog and know exactly how the idea came about – other ideas are inspired by news items, Facebook discussions, or even just overheard conversations. I’m never short on new material to work on with a great list of ideas for topics to write. I’m looking forward to 2013, as Happiness Weekly will become a lot more strategic and streamlined – and I hope to triple in my readership as I encourage more voices, ideas and sharing of my blogs.

Why do you have an events and awareness day page?
I like to think that Happiness Weekly has potential to become the number one go-to place for information on personal development courses and events. Nothing too extreme – I want anyone to be able to relate without too much explanation or thought. It’s not a religious page. I want to encourage people to come to the page to look for basic awareness days – not only in Australia but across the globe – so I have a particular focus on internationally recognised days. Some national days in America, Canada and even the United Kingdom are also celebrated on the calendar. The more recognition Happiness Weekly can give to these events, courses and awareness days, the more our world has the opportunity to grow and develop in a positive way.

What do you want to achieve with Happiness Weekly?
I work full time in marketing and public relations, but try to dedicate as much of my outside time to Happiness Weekly as possible. Sometimes things may not happen as quickly as they otherwise could (such as writing my eBook!) but they are definitely in the pipeline. There are a lot of exciting plans ahead for Happiness Weekly – so stay tuned!

Where are you based?
While my thoughts are always internationally focused, and anything I publish should cater to an audience living anywhere in the world, I am based in Sydney, Australia.

What makes you keep writing?
My passion for helping others. I’m extremely self-motivated. People say that these days in job interviews, but I generally am! Hopefully the work I do speaks for itself. Obviously the figures help, seeing my work get out there by the amount of followers, likes and readers I have is really important to me. So please, when you like a blog, share it with friends and family and pass the wisdom along. Happiness is the best gift you can give to someone.

What’s ahead for Happiness Weekly?
SO MUCH!!! I will be working with a graphic designer shortly to get a few things rolled out including a logo for Happiness Weekly and hopefully a new look and feel. I will also be working with a Sydney-based photographer to get some new photos posted up. I am introducing a few new sections including Thank You Thursdays – which encourages my readers to participate in a gratitude challenge each week. It’s a small exercise in mindfulness. I believe that when you live with gratitude, you start to notice little things and are able to find inspiration in even the simplest moments. And on Tuesdays you can receive a positive motivational quote simply by following the Facebook and Twitter pages. I’m also introducing a little blurb every time an awareness day comes up to help promote awareness for these important days. It’s going to be a busy year but I’m looking forward to it!

Identifying emotional manipulation – before it hurts you

Fool on me once, shame on you. Fool on me twice, shame on me. Chinese Proverb.

We’ve all been emotionally manipulated at some stage in our lives, perhaps it’s happening to you right now. Can you recognise when your lover, friend, family turns a situation around to make them the victim, making you feel ashamed, disappointed in yourself and confused? Perhaps you’ve even felt violated upon reflecting on the situation and seeing it as it was. This article will help you to identify emotional manipulators, disable their behaviours so they don’t affect you and avoid negative feelings/behaviours and toxic relationships as a result.

Read the full article here.

How to silence your negative thoughts

Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Bernard Baruch

Everyone has their internal rules and thoughts which guides them to act in a certain way and sometimes it’s what makes us act impulsively … or compulsively. Thoughts are generated based on your memories of past experiences, future projections and interpretations of present situations. So how do we stop that negative voice from talking to us and start creating a positive future?

Listen to what it has to say and then send it on its way
Listen to what your negative thoughts have to say, thank it for its input and then send those thoughts on their way. Don’t try to suppress your thoughts because it will build up a lot of negative energy inside you. Simply listen to them, consider them and then send them on their way. It’s like you’re making an informed decision before you act.

Detach from your mind
Let your mind have its say without influencing your actions – this is learning to control your thoughts. You don’t generate your thoughts, your mind does. Step out of your mind to observe your thoughts objectively.

Show your thoughts your disinterest
Who cares about your thoughts? Only you! Avoid giving power to your negative thoughts by acting disinterested towards them. Take a step back and observe your thoughts. You can’t control what you think but you can control how you react to your thoughts. Thoughts die when they are deprived of interest – it’s all that fuels them.

Why negative thoughts are bad
When we have negative thoughts (ie anxiety, worry, stress, resentment, guilt…) they produce resistance to the movement of your life which can feel like suffering. When you give attention to negative thoughts, you unconsciously fuel them, and thus attract more momentum for this negative mind-set. Focus instead on the positive thoughts generated in the mind, and start developing a positive momentum.

Living with integrity

Integrity simply means not violating one’s own identity. Erich Fromm

Imagine how great the world would be if everyone did exactly what they said they were going to do, when they said they were going to do it. More and more often procrastination, excuses and other obstacles get in the way preventing a lot of people from delivering this. Before we know it, we’re wearing thin because our integrity is being ignored.

Integrity regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs. Essentially, living with integrity is aligning your values with your actions.

A lot of the time when we aren’t living with integrity it is affecting (i.e. letting down) other people. How many times have you heard someone promise something to charity – and not do it? How many times have you been let down socially? What about when working as part of a team in the office? Are you the person you want to be at the moment, or can you see some areas where you are letting yourself and others down?

The importance of integrity
Integrity is important in everybody’s lives as it will lead to strong personal relationships, long term success, consistency in one’s life and it is great for leadership skills. We can’t lead and inspire others if we are not acting with integrity. In fact, if you want to be a positive influence, act with integrity, treat others with respect and live by positive values.

Integrity is first knowing yourself – your values, desires, talents, dreams … and then being true to that self in all actions and interactions. It’s having behaviour that is congruent with your values. When your actions are aligned with your values, you conduct yourself authentically, sincerely and openly. When you clarify your values, it assists with setting goals that are consistent with those values – bringing purposes and passion to your life.

Some values to help you act with integrity
Below are some values to assist you in acting with integrity.
Responsibility: Take responsibility and ownership of your life, your actions and who you are as a person.
Attitude: Be confident and comfortable within yourself and you will have no reason to belittle others or act with arrogance. You can build confidence simply by working on your communication skills.
Commitment: Align your words and actions and follow through with anything you say you will do. When we keep our commitments, trust is built.
Honesty: Be open about your objectives and motives with other people. Where there is high trust, what you see is what you get.
Values: Make sure you have a strong set of core beliefs. If you wish to alter any of these, I highly recommend looking into Schema Therapy.
Consistency: Make the right decisions and do it consistently. Don’t lie to anyone about anything.
Reinforcement: Choose your behaviour to reflect your values and you’ll move through life with authenticity, sincerity and wholeness. Some examples of aligning your actions with your values may include:
Value: Honesty = be truthful
Value: Commitment = follow through
Value: Independence = do your own thing.

Benefits of living with integrity
Life coach Cheryl Richardson says that living without integrity makes goals harder to reach, attracts people into your life who will make you feel bad, and you start losing faith in yourself.
– People living with integrity are often seen as: trustworthy, decent, honest, moral, virtuous, appropriate, mindful, ethical, authentic, fair and credible.
– When you live with integrity, you succeed. You are open and honest. Your life is uncomplicated and less stressful.
– Integrity can be like a butterfly effect – people follow your example and act more honestly.
– Living with integrity means you live with less regrets – you stick to what you know is right or wrong.
– Integrity helps us handle criticism more easily.
– When you make a mistake, it’s easier to accept responsibility and move forward.

How to live with integrity
(1) Concentrate on how you spend your time and money. To live a life with integrity, you spend your time according to what is of most value to you. This could be working, seeing family, working for charity, taking care of yourself (exercising, meditating/reflecting, cooking, sleeping etc). When it comes to money – maximise your real hourly wage, be conscious of your spending, eliminate spending money on things with low value.
(2) Don’t settle for less than what you deserve in your relationships. Start challenging yourself – ask yourself what life would be like if you had the ideal partner, more supportive friends, a more gratifying job or a happier and more fulfilling life. Ask yourself how those changes look and feel. You’ll find that because they look and feel better than what you’re currently experiencing, you’ll be more compelled to make the changes that align with that new vision of your life.
(3) Ask for what you want. Understanding your needs helps you establish solid boundaries. Making your needs known to those around you, helps you to enforce those boundaries and teaches others how to treat us.
(4) Speak your truth (even if it upsets people). Expressing our truths is one of the most powerful privileges we have as humans. If we speak our truth with caring and respect, then the message can be that much more effective.
(5) Be true to yourself. Make decisions based on your beliefs.

Looking for more information about acting with integrity? Check out this fantastic clip on YouTube by Sagebrush Community!

Discover your dreams

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. Thoreau

If you could do anything in life – what would it be? If you could work anywhere, for anyone – where would it be and who would it be for? What are you passionate about? Struggling to find a direct answer? You’re not alone. This blog will help you get on the path to achieving your dreams and living a life fulfilled with happiness.

Hobbies
How do you spend your spare time? Everyone spends their spare time doing something – a lot of the time it’ll be multiple consistent things – for example – I like blogging, going to the gym, socialising and reading. List these activities and consider whether it’s something you would enjoy doing for a living.

Talents
Everyone has a gift that they could utilise and share with the world in order to live a life of purpose. Consider what you are good at? What areas do you excel in? Listing your achievements in life may also assist in deciphering your talents.

Colleagues
You won’t enjoy your job if you don’t like who you’re working with. Consider who you enjoy working with and list the types of people you enjoy working with: their characteristics, job titles, even list names of people if you wish.

Tools
What do you enjoy working with? Do you enjoy working with computers? People? Art? Particular software programs? Write a list of all the things you enjoy working with.

Environment
What environment do you enjoy working in? Do you like being in the office? Being outdoors? A classroom? A construction site? What gets you excited?

Triggers
Look back on your life and consider what triggers your happiness? From childhood, through adolescence to adulthood – think about the happiest times in your life and what you were doing, who you were with, where you were doing it.

Passion
List your top five passions – if you don’t have five, as many as you can – compare them to each other and rank them in order from top (greatest passion) to bottom (least passion in the list). Look at the top two or three passions and ask yourself if either could be turned into a job. What professions use those passions? Consider how you would get into that profession and whether you would love working in that field.

Visualise
Take some time to think about what your dream job is, visualise: what you are doing, what you are wearing, where you are, who you’re working with, what tools you’re using, the benefits of this job to yourself and others. Write down all the finer details as much as you can. The more real it becomes in your mind, the more it will become a reality – what you conceive, you can achieve.

Planning
Now you have your destination – you just need to plan how to get there. Think backwards – you have your destination, what’s the last step you have to take to get to there? And the step before that? And the one before that? Keep going until you’re at the first step. Sometimes there is more than one way to get to a destination, so it’s ok to brainstorm a few possibilities/branches to get where you’re going. Brainstorm what actions you need to take to get to where you want to go.

Make it happen
Start at the start of your roadmap and take the first step. Pretend you can’t fail – remove all fear of risk and loss and believe in your success.  Live as you want to be remembered. Set an example with what you’re doing and be the best you can be at it every day. Sooner or later, you will get rnoticed for what you are doing – but make sure you act boldly and on purpose.

Research
Learn as much as you can about your dream in any way you can. Read books in the library, look it up on the internet, interview some experts in the field. Become an expert on the topic. Find the people who inspire you in the field and try to meet them. Ask what steps they took to get there, what’s required, how they did it.

Practice
While you’re developing your dream, practice your passion as much as possible. Commit to spending some time on it every day (30 minutes to an hour) or as often as you possibly can, for as long as you can. Make it a habit and you will succeed.

Motivation
Keep yourself motivated and focussed. You know what you’re going for, now don’t give up! Set rewards for yourself at every mini goal you reach – in the step to getting to the end. Only focus on one goal at a time. Inspire yourself, track your progress, join a support group or find a partner on a similar mission.

The truth about trust

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. Frank Crane

Trust is like love: you must have it for yourself before you can give it to someone else. No one wants to mistrust the people around them – especially when they feel themselves falling in love with someone – but sometimes finding that trust is a frustrating battle that can only be won with patience and time.

Everybody has a past that will, in some way, affect their ability to trust. Experts have said that trust is predominately based on expectation – when someone behaves as you expect, it builds trust. The more consistent the person is, the easier it is to establish their habits and patterns and form expectations.

It’s important to note that love is always trusting. So in order to truly love someone, you need to trust them. Learning to trust someone takes patience and hard work. Trust can only be rebuilt over a period of time with repeated positive experience. For example, if your partner is unfaithful, you won’t initially trust your next lover. But when someone consistently demonstrates their reliability, despite your more critical evaluation of their actions, they might earn your trust. If you really want to trust someone – be patient and don’t give up.

A lot of the time, the way back to trusting someone, particularly a new lover, is counterintuitive. You need to trust yourself to make the right decisions before you can trust somebody else.  You also need to trust that you will be ok if you do happen to get betrayed in the relationship.

If you’re in a love relationship with someone who you’re unfamiliar with, and you start experiencing anxiety about the stability of the relationship, this isn’t about trusting others – it’s about trusting yourself. It’s an issue that is likely to get worse until it is accurately identified and dealt with.

To start trusting again after you have been hurt, it’s advised that instead of looking at what you don’t trust and looking for reasons not to trust, focus on the positives and look at the things you do trust. Every time someone does something to earn your trust, remember it. If they betray your trust, try not to waste too much energy on it and move on.

According to Kathryn Williams (Fourteen things that make us trust someone, Williams, 2010 http://www.divinecaroline.com/22189/102178-fourteen-things-make-us-trust), some other elements that influence the way we trust include:
Familiarity: the more contact you have with someone, the more you learn to trust them
Resemblance: if they look, dress or act like you – you’re more inclined to trust them
Punctuality: someone regularly on time signalises consistency and conscientiousness towards people
Flexibility: we avoid people who try to explicitly negotiate or force a binding agreement
Discretion: the ability to keep a secret and exercise tact
Transparency: self-disclosure binds trust
Competence: getting the job done correctly
Reciprocity: if someone does not appear to invest in you – they will lose nothing by betraying you.

Tips on how to trust someone
– Leave the past behind – give the new person a chance. It’s easier said than done, but if you make a conscious effort, it will eventually become a habit and before you know it, you will be trusting this person fully
– Communicate effectively. If you can talk to each other about your thoughts and feelings, you’re already halfway there
– Learn more about the person – you can’t develop trust until you understand them. Discover what motivates them. See if you can predict a situation and what they would do… if you can’t, you don’t know them well enough to trust them yet – keep learning
– Watch how your new interest, or the person you are trying to trust, treats others
– Giving second chances along the way is ok if they break your trust.  Try to make sense of the situation and show that same understanding in return – it builds trust. Empathising with each other and building each other up will build trust
– Test it: try relying on them. You may trust them more than you think. When you trust a person, you believe that they have your best interest at heart. They wouldn’t do something to hurt you for the fun of it, or for selfish gain
– Remember to be positive and live in the now. Try to recognise this is a completely different person to the one who hurt you in the past and avoid looking at the relationship through lenses coloured by your past. Enjoy the relationship for what it is. Try not to look too far into the future
– Use your intuition as much as possible and let your feelings guide you. It’s ok if things take time. Read their body language where you can, but be careful not to over-analyse things
– Discuss your fears and concerns openly. Help your partner understand if you’re struggling with trust – it can create a sense of connectedness, which can lead to trust and caring
– Communicate your expectations of the new relationship early and set boundaries. Make your feelings clear on topics of fidelity, sex, money, social networking, texting and phone calls from the opposite sex.

Patience is key. Relationships aren’t meant to be rushed and if the person you’re interested in is the right one, they will have a lot of time and patience for you to build your trust. Don’t allow them to pressure you into trusting them. If they’re impatient, don’t understand or even end the relationship over it – they weren’t the right person for you to begin with. Everything happens for a reason.

Habits of happy people

Source: Edit Kolesza Photographer
http://www.koleszafoto.hu

Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate. So practice happy thinking every day. Cultivate the merry heart, develop the happiness habit, and life will become a continual feast. Norman Vincent Peale

Happiness is not for the lazy – it’s something that needs to be practiced and worked towards every day. When admiring someone that always appears happy and confident in your life, it’s suggested you examine their habits and consider adopting some of these for yourself in order to expand on your own happiness. By adopting the habits of happy people around us, we leave ourselves flexible to change and open to growing.

Looking online for a list of happy people habits returns countless lists that each numbers the principals. This is where quality not quantity is important. You may also find webinars and courses just teaching people the habits of happy people. Once reading the list, I encourage people to do their own research and adopt the best principles for them, individually.

* Make the most of each day and appreciate life – avoid taking things for granted. Be thankful for the small things and focus on the beauty in everything.

* Select your friends wisely – surround yourself with happy, positive and encouraging people who share your values and goals.

* Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with. Accept easily. Respect people for who they are, touch them with kindness, help where you are able, avoid wanting to change anyone – just because you do something differently, doesn’t mean your way is correct.

* Be inquisitive and open to learning new things. Try new and daring adventures or activities.

* View problems or obstacles as challenges that provide opportunities to create positive change. Trust your instincts.

* Do what you love. Choose a career you’re passionate about. Always make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests.

* Live in the present. Be mindful of the things in your life, your actions and your words. You can’t change the past or control the future. By living in the now you can make conscious decisions that will help you in the future and make your present much happier. The past can’t hurt you anymore unless you allow it. “Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure,” Oprah Winfrey.

* Be helpful. Brian Tracy said: “Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking: What’s in it for me?” When you help others, you feel a purpose, being intentionally unhelpful is negative and breeds negativity.

* Laugh readily. Learn to laugh at yourself. Don’t put people down or laugh at the expense of others.

* Forgive easily. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, take ownership and learn from it and forgive others when they wrong you or they will take energy that could otherwise be used in a positive way.

* Develop an attitude of gratitude. Say “thank you” for even small things people do for you. Take time to let people know how grateful you are to have them in your life.

* Love unconditionally. Let the people that matter in your life know you love them – even in times of conflict. Make time to spend with your family and friends. Avoid breaking commitments or promises. Be supportive where you can. Always act with love.

* Be honest. Every action and decision you make should be based on honesty. Most importantly, always be true to yourself. Deception will burn positive energy unnecessarily.

* Meditate. Meditation will increase energy and you will function at a higher level. There are several types of meditation – e.g. visualisation, hypnosis, yoga, Pilates, affirmations etc. – pick the one that best suits you and meditate regularly.

* Live your life your way. Mind your own business and avoid gossiping about others. Try not to get overly concerned with what other people are doing or saying. Don’t judge. Have the freedom to always be yourself.

* Be optimistic. Everything happens for a reason – look for all the positives. Don’t give up. If you can’t find a positive in something – create it! Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism. Failure is an opportunity to grow and learn a new life lesson. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.

* Be persistent. Focus on what you want, learn the required skills, make a plan to succeed and take action. Have confidence in yourself – you will always be happiest while pursuing something of value.

* Dare to dream and dream BIG! Be creative and always push yourself forward. “Aim for the stars because when you aim for the stars, you will reach the moon. When you aim for the moon, you fall; rest in the clouds. When you aim for the clouds, you clench the tree tops. When you aim for the tree tops, you fall on your butt. Maintain high hopes and you will succeed,” Unknown. It’s better to aim high and miss, than to aim low and reach target!

* Be proactive. Determine how you can take control by creating the outcome you desire. Don’t worry about the future and forget about the past. Accept your limitations. George Bernard Shaw said: “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing”.

* Look after yourself. Your health includes mind and body. Get regular check ups, eat healthily, drink plenty of water, get plenty of rest and exercise regularly. Constantly challenge your mind and body. Albert Einstein said: “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving”.

* Be yourself. It’s exactly as Dolly Parton said: “Find out who you are and do it on purpose”. Determine who you are, your likes and dislikes, and always be yourself. Have confidence in who you are – always expect the best and always do the best you can. Avoid self-doubt completely.

* Love yourself. Be your own best friend. Learn to enjoy your own company. Accept your flaws. Dr Seuss said it best: “Today you are You – that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You!” If you don’t like something about yourself, work hard towards changing it.

*Take responsibility. Lead by example. Be responsible for your life: your moods, attitude, thoughts, feelings, actions and words. Admit when you have made a mistake.

* Set goals. Make a plan to succeed and take action.

* Make a positive future for yourself. Focus on creating a future around your dreams.

* Clear out the clutter. Don’t live in a mess and don’t hold onto things of the past … unless they’re photographs, reminding you of happier times. The only things you need are: food, shelter, clothing, loved ones and a few personal items. Do you have too many people cluttering your Facebook? It may be time for a good clean up.

* Find your passion. What gets you excited? How often do you associate with that? Perhaps it’s time to spend more time with your passion. Be creative about how you’re going to work your passions into your day.

* Have fun! Go and see a comedy, have a picnic, read some jokes… Incorporate fun into your everyday life. Learn to control your stress, rather than letting it control you.

*Nurture your relationships. Studies show that superficial interaction like chatting to the postman can make you feel like you belong to a community, but intimate relationships are what keeps us going when times get tough. Don’t be afraid of reaching out when you need someone.

* Enjoy the simple pleasures. The best things in life are often free. Make it a point to bring pleasure into your life and really savour the delights that are abundant around you already. Watch a sunrise or a sunset. Sit in the sunshine for a while. Be grateful for nature.

* Be mindful of your perspective. Practise looking at situations from all perspectives before you act or react. Sometimes a new perspective is all we need to change a situation.

* Speak kindly to people. Don’t put people down – build them up. Concentrate on the good in everyone around you. Practice acts of kindness and selflessly help people around you – this releases serotonin, not only in yourself but also for anyone watching you.

* Live with purpose. Always dedicate some time to a cause – it may be directly helping others through volunteering – know your purpose. Join something you believe in.

* Let go of what other people think. Really happy people rarely let negative people and their attitudes affect them.

* Make friends. Happy people are always looking to make friends. They just wants someone new to laugh and be happy with. By default, happy people are friendly people.

* Reflect on the good things. Make time to positively reflect on your successes. It’s important to mindfully reflect on the good, while striving diligently to correct the bad. A continuous general awareness of your daily successes can have a noticeably positive affect on your overall emotional happiness.

* Exploit the resources you DO have.  Use your resources well and consider this: Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has twenty-five Grammy Awards to show for it.

* Create your own happy ending. The end of any experience can have a profound impact on the person’s overall perception of the experience as a whole. If the ending is happy, the experience creates happiness. Always tie loose ends, leave things on a good note and create happy endings in your life whenever possible.

* Focus on your strengths. Emotional happiness comes naturally to those who use their strengths to get things done. The state f completion always creates a sense of achievement.

* Avoid comparing yourself. Material blessings, good looks, social position or seemingly happy families do not make a happy person. A happy person typically compares himself to mentors and role models to improve their character. The majority of the time social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place, so if you feel called to compare yourself to something: compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.

* Practice habits of happy people. Concentrate on the present, compare yourself only to saints, be grateful and remember that present hardships are temporary.

* Develop coping strategies. It helps to have healthy coping strategies that are pre-rehearsed, on-call and ready for you at any time. Positive coping mechanisms are the best, so brainstorming them for a rainy day will certainly come in handy.

There is no right or wrong principle to adopt – if the habits of a happy person were as easy as a one-size-fits-all solution, these pages on the Internet wouldn’t exist. If you enjoyed this blog, I recommend trying some of the fantastic activities outlined on the Be Happy 4 Life website: http://www.behappy4life.com/behappyprogram.html.