Channelling your inner chameleon

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognising and appreciating what we do have. Frederick Keonig

On our quest for happiness, there will be times where you selfishly seek more. You may forget the people in your life, the things you have achieved and your original reasons for starting the journey, and start looking at how you can change to live a fuller and happier life. But what happens when you continually change until you are only content outside your comfort zone?

Everywhere you look it tells you to “change” for happiness or make the “changes” to be happier. But what if you live your life, continually changing and continually striving for happiness? Change can become a barrier if you are trying to escape or avoid something from the past. Rather than facing it, it can appear easier to run away and continue changing. Unfortunately, this can be addictive or become a pattern, which can lead to an unsettling and extremely isolated existence.

This is why it is important to be mindful of your thoughts and actions, appreciative of the things you have and accepting of things as they happen.

Selecting the right change for you

It’s critical to select changes that influence further positive changes. Change can be like a domino effect – pulling other changes along with it – so considering a single change carefully, before you make the change, is essential. So how can you guarantee that the change ahead is right for you?

1. First consider why you are changing. Are you changing for the right reasons? You should only ever change for yourself and to ultimately benefit yourself. You need to want to change. Changing for someone else will reverse if the situation with that person changes.
2. Weigh up the pros and cons of the change. Is it the right decision for you? Consider any implications (or further changes) it may bring and how this will affect you.
3. How will the change affect you in the long term? Think about if the change is permanent or temporary? And if it is temporary, why is it necessary and how will it ultimately further you?
4. Will the change affect other areas in your life? For example, moving away will affect career, family and friends. Are those areas in your life something that you want or need to change at the moment?
5. Ask an honest friend who knows you. As social beings, we tend to ask friends and family for their opinion and seek guidance in our decisions, but it’s important to appreciate that they aren’t dealing with the consequences of whatever decision is ahead. (It is also important to accept this when we offer advice or guidance to those who are seeking our opinion on something.)
6. Is the change in line with your values? Make sure the change will further you in some way, otherwise be happy with what you have.

Remember, while you can hope for happiness and adjust your sails so life drifts in that direction, you can never plan for it or be fully assured that it will come because of a change we make. Sometimes, the grass is not greener. If you change, will the important people in your life come with you on the journey or is this the point where you lose them? It’s important to accept that no one experiences happiness every single day, and with that in mind, are you ok with sitting with today?

Love equals happiness

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Mahatma Gandhi

There’s no denying it – love makes us happy!

When someone is in love with something, they are drawn to it and want to be near that person or thing as often as possible. I am frequently asked what draws me to someone that I date. My only response is that it depends how that person makes me feel. Over time, I have learnt that it’s not about what the person does for me – they could have all the money in the world and buy me the most expensive presents, but I still won’t feel that connection. You would have heard the sayings: “Money doesn’t buy you happiness” and “Actions speak louder than words”. In fact, Irwin Federman says it: “People love others not for who they are, but for how they make them feel”.

With this in mind, never try to buy someone’s love. Unfortunately we don’t have control over whether someone loves us, so while it’s ok to put thought into buying someone a nice present, it’s not ok to buy someone something outrageous in the hope of getting love in return. This means, the best way to love someone this Valentine’s Day is not with a gift – it’s to SHOW them!

How to show someone you love them (it doesn’t have to be romantic!)
– Take them on a picnic or go camping together
– Give them a massage
– Dance with them
– Cook for them
– Kiss the palm of their hand
– Ask them how their day was, and listen
– Go star-gazing on a clear night
– Write them a card including how they make you feel
– Watch funny YouTube clips together
– Text to say you’re thinking of them
– Go to a theme park together
– Share your goals and ambitions in life
– Make one of their dreams come true
– Remember the things they tell you (especially any of their favourite things)
– Make a collage of your favourite times together
– Have a photo date – where you take your photo together in as many places as possible
– Go to the movies together.