Archive | June 2013

Respecting the people you work with so they can respect you


When people honor each other, there is a trust established that leads to synergy, interdependence, and deep respect. Both parties make decisions and choices based on what is right, what is best, what is valued most highly. Blaine Lee.

I don’t often blog about work issues because it’s seen as a bit taboo talking about work and your feelings about the workplace in an open forum. I’m fortunate that I work for a fantastic organisation where I’ve learnt a lot and shared a lot using my skills. The one thing I noticed that works well at my current company, better than any other organisation I’ve ever worked for is that all the staff respect each other and there’s a genuine care in the culture and consequently a nice atmosphere. This is particularly helpful when it comes to teamwork because respect builds trust and it goes from there. So this week, Happiness Weekly looks at why you should respect your colleagues and how you can do it, so you can start working in an organisation with a beautiful culture like the one I’m in!

What does it mean to respect your colleagues?
Respect is having consideration for yourself and others. This could mean respecting people’s privacy, their personal space, belongings, perspectives, philosophies, physical ability, beliefs and personality. It is also acting in honour of yourself, your values and your colleagues – recognising their importance.

Why you should respect your colleagues
Respect is one of those things that is hard to gain and very easy to lose. We’ll talk more on how you can gain it shortly, but it’s important to know why you should respect your colleagues. Here are some of the benefits of respecting your co-workers – it will:

  • Build trust
  • Enhance your working relationships
  • Help you to enjoy work more
  • Increase job performance
  • Decrease stress
  • Improve teamwork, workflow and output.

How to respect others
Knowing what to do to show your respect for others is vital. It’s important that you pay attention to people to ensure you are showing respect in the way they want to be respected because if you get it wrong it could have the opposite effect.

  • Treat others with respect and dignity
  • Build a sense of community spirit by organising little events – ensure you include everyone
  • Abide by work ethics
  • Maintain confidentiality
  • Treat your colleagues as you wish to be treated
  • Support your colleagues in times of need
  • Be an active listener, genuinely care about your colleagues
  • Start each morning with a cheerful greeting – a general “hello” or “good morning” is sufficient
  • Learn the art of small talk and accept teasing that is in good-taste
  • Ask for opinion and input – it shows you care what they think
  • Pretend your children/parents are watching when dealing with a difficult colleague
  • Give compliments often, recognise achievements where ever possible
  • Spread good cheer – do something each week: cook a cake, give a colleague a thank you card, give someone chocolates who has been a bit down etc.
  • Return calls and emails promptly
  • Give credit where credit is due, if someone mistakenly offers you credit, openly correct them and refer the credit to the person who has rightly earned it
  • Work as hard as everyone else in your team
  • Share any good ideas you have.

How to earn respect in the workplace

  • Manage your emotions
  • Keep your personal life separate
  • Remain positive: you don’t know what you don’t know
  • Manage your stress as best you can
  • Watch your communication: choice of words, tone of voice, body language etc
  • Accept feedback and instruction from your superiors
  • When communicating with colleagues talk about: what you are currently doing for the company, what are some of your goals you’re striving for or even personal goals that may affect work
  • Value face-to-face interactions and thank people for their time
  • Use emails if you have a specific request or update for a colleague so they can refer back to it at their convenience
  • Take responsibility for your assigned role and all the tasks that come with it
  • Say thank you and mind your manners, give positive feedback and validation for a job well done
  • Do something special for your colleagues or peers – running an errand, answering the phone or just generally doing something small to go the extra mile
  • Follow through when you say you will do something – never miss a deadline
  • Don’t be late for your meetings
  • Dress like you’re going to ask for a raise every day
  • Keep your workspace clean and tidy
  • Avoid drinking too much at work gatherings – this includes the Christmas party!

Five ways to ease your panic attack (before it’s out of control)


Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. Anais Nin

According to Wikipedia, panic attacks are periods of intense fear or apprehension that are of sudden onset and of variable duration from minutes to hours. It is caused by adrenalin being released into the bloodstream, which causes the heart to pump extra blood. Today is International Panic Day – a day dedicated to putting your feet up, slowing down and enjoying life. In celebration, Happiness Weekly is looking at how you can avoid having a panic attack and remain calm, even in the toughest situations.

1. Avoid working yourself up
Many people come to me and say “This is about to happen” and they’re stressing out… If you’re one of these people, my best advice to you is: STOP! Stop the story going on in your mind. Take a deep breath. You don’t know what you don’t know. Accept any consequence for your actions – take responsibility when you’ve made a mistake – no one’s perfect, and usually this will defuse any panic attack that is about to get out of control. Make sure you give yourself a break – don’t bash yourself up, if someone is going to come down on you anyway, you may as well be kind to yourself – no point in two of you getting upset over the same thing – take control and work to fix the problem!

2. Slow down and think
Stop rushing through tasks and trying to get a perfect result. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result. Think about how you can improve things without stretching yourself. If your panic attack is school or work related, considering early deadlines for your work to give you enough time to review it before submitting it. If it’s a person who is putting you on edge, approaching them about the problem may assist – or if it is a situation where you are being bullied and approaching it hasn’t helped, consider removing yourself from the situation. Sometimes health and happiness are more important than financial gain and career ladders.

3. Work on your stress management
Being self-aware and knowing how to stay calm in intense situations can be crucial if you are trying to fend off a panic attack. Knowing how best to manage your stress can help. Go for walks at lunchtime, it will change your atmosphere and can help alter your perspective on a situation if you’re too close to it to make a proper judgement. Meditation, Yoga and Pilates can all assist in combating stress and helping to relax and concentrate on your breathing, or if you’re feeling energetic and want something faster paced, boxing is a great form of exercise and stress relief.

4. Talk it out
Don’t feel alone, many people suffer anxiety and panic attacks, and it’s becoming more well-known each day. Find a trusted friend, or someone you feel you can confide in confidentially at work and talk to them about your situation. Sometimes gathering ideas and suggestions from others can help bring new perspective and also inspire us to embrace a positive change. As soon as the situation changes, your panic should ease, so try not to sit with it for too long. If you are struggling to move past it, please book an appointment with your doctor and get a referral to a good psychologist. Support groups also exist, which is good if you’re feeling isolated and you’re looking for people you can relate to.

5. Avoid drugs and alcohol
Sometimes when we panic our first reaction is to kill the pain. Drugs and alcohol will only make it worse. Did you know 30% of people who suffer panic attacks also suffer from alcoholism? Instead of reaching for a quick fix, spend some time on considering healthier options that work for you and start focusing on the things you can control!

Still need help?

Why labels are destructive


Build a resume that doesn’t simply tell a story about what you want to be, but who you want to be. Oprah.

It’s as simple as this: labels and stereotypes can prevent us from being who we want to be.

Let’s face it, sometimes it feels good to call our ex-partner a narcissist after they hurt us or suggest “perhaps you have this condition, or that condition, or this addiction or that addiction” when a friend comes to us for help – but ultimately, labels are meaningless as everyone’s experiences and feelings are so different.

Several top psychologists and psychiatrists have said there is nothing positive about “labels”; they are unhelpful and there is no mental health test to scientifically and/or medically prove someone’s conditions.

“Generally speaking that person learns to believe that they have whatever that disorder or disease is labelled which in turn gives them a very good reason to not have to be responsible for themselves. They are the victim,” said Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.

This week Happiness Weekly discusses why labelling isn’t helpful and how you can avoid labelling others, focus on yourself and moving forward.

The history
Categorical labelling is a tool that humans use to resolve the impossible complexity of the environments we grapple to perceive. Researchers began studying the cognitive effects of labelling in the 1930s and over time it’s been discovered that there generally isn’t one single label for one thing – everyone has different ideas of what a label should be – and through labelling, we form a lens for people to see ourselves or others through and they may become incapable of perceiving the subject independently of that label.

Why labelling is destructive
“In the majority of cases the person who has made the decision to shed the label is able to create healthier ways of being in the world and in so doing no longer fits the label given. In fact what I have found from my work is that if people are given the chance to be accepted for who they are and have the opportunity to shed the label by doing and thinking in a manner that would no longer support the label, amazingly enough they are healed and able to move on in their lives in a much more productive manner,” said Suzanne Kellner-Zinck.

Last week I attended a meeting for Co-dependents Anonymous (CODA) out of years of curiosity about addiction meetings (similar to Alcoholics Anonymous) – perhaps it was a Fight Club moment. But as I sat there and listened, each person who presented said “Hi, my name is … and I’m co-dependent”. And it happened every time they spoke about themselves. I listened respectfully, but I couldn’t help but think that people aren’t their condition and by saying it aloud like that, that it could hinder taking responsibility. People could actually think “It’s ok if I act like this or do this, because I’m this!”

Labelling can often cause discrimination. When using labels we may innocently be taking short cuts in language to describe something quickly – however, it’s important to be mindful that we may also be creating stigma to a person and it could be received as being offensive.

For example, if you talk about a person with a condition, such as a “person with diabetes”, it comes across that they won’t be rejected by society, have trouble finding a job or be stigmatised at school. But if we call them “a diabetic” – it makes it sound as though they are their condition and everyone with diabetes is the same, with the same emotions, experiences and problems. Of course this is incorrect: they are humans like the rest of us, and that is why we should say “a person with diabetes”. From this example we can see how labels can lead to a person becoming an object rather than the person behind the label.

How to avoid labelling someone
Labels are just shells that contain assumptions and stigmas towards a person. Next time you are tempted to label someone based on something they have done or in describing them, think carefully before you say they are a condition, rather than having a condition that may impair them. It’s important to know the distinction and always respect each other.

  • Be honest with yourself, don’t discriminate or hold judgemental ideals. Know the areas that you’re particularly prone to stereotyping people (for example, people who have hurt us are not necessarily “narcissistic”)
  • Consider when people have made assumptions about you that were untrue, and how you felt. Labelling doesn’t substitute the facts
  • Think of a time when you incorrectly labelled someone – was it an assumption? How did you feel when you got to know the individual to realise you were incorrect?
  • What causes you to label someone? Before you stereotype someone again, consider all the facts to ensure you’re making an accurate assumption and don’t appear foolish
  • Instead of stereotyping, adopt logic, critical thinking and actual facts before speaking. Allow people to prove themselves
  • Aim for diversity and exposure – surround yourself with your stereotyped group and see how you feel. Labelling often springs from unfamiliarity with a group and the desire to see an individual as representative of their group rather than as an individual
  • Be accountable – act as though the labelled group or person can hear you when you speak about them.
  • Develop empathy – consider how the other person would feel if they heard you, listen to complaints from minority groups
  • Accept that everyone is different and diversity is the spice of life! It would be boring if we were all the same
  • Catch yourself in the act – tell your friends and family that you’re trying to make the change to stop labelling and stereotyping and ask them to catch you in the act. Make sure you hear them when they pull you up, and always try to pull yourself up first
  • Correct others when they label someone – it will make you more conscious of the changes you need to make as well. Avoid racist or sexist jokes and stories, disengage in anything that will hinder your progress
  • Educate yourself – research as much as you can about the label you tend to use. Generally we tend to use labels when we’re not educated in a specific area
  • Avoid getting personal – even if they do. Don’t hold a grudge – learn to forgive quickly. Instead of taking things personally, be open to new situations and opinions and see them objectively
  • Don’t compare yourself to others – it encourages you to judge which is what leads us to labelling people
  • Never assume others are judging or labelling you – this is a very bad habit. Always tell yourself that it’s not all about you, this will help you step out of situations rather than complicating things and creating negative assumptions
  • Actively stop yourself from making quick assumptions. Being quick to judge others hampers your change to build good relationships with this person or group in the future.

What has been your experience with being labelled or stereotyped?

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