Archive | October 2015

The words people in Toxic Relationships WISH they could say…

“And then I was free”…

These are the words people in toxic relationships WISH they could say every time they walk out the door after another soul crushing interaction with the person they are currently seeing.

People in toxic relationships often want to leave the relationship but “can’t” and they don’t know why. Meanwhile their friends watch as they get sucked in again and again, generally by a partner fearing abandonment. The toxic partner in this case will be (very subconsciously) hurting the person’s self esteem in a bid to keep them, because they know they often know their mate can do better than them.

Unfortunately their attempts to hurt them, often works. So by the time the person gets set to leave the toxic relationship they have self doubt which is over-riding what their rational mind is telling them. This is often confused for the heart ruling the mind, but in reality between the fantasy they have of who the person is and this massive self doubt combined with low self esteem … it’s easy to get stuck in a toxic relationship.

What is difficult is explaining to people what is really going on in order for them to understand the yoyoing relationship. When there are no feelings towards anyone it’s easy to stand back and with judgement and authority say “You should break up!” or “I can’t stand watching this, I’m not going to be your friend until you break up…” and the list of things “supportive” friends say in this scenario are endless.

I put supportive in inverted comas here, not because they’re not supportive but because they actually are. When the person in the toxic relationship (who wants to leave but can’t follow through) is confronted with this situation, it’s easy to dismiss the friend. “Fine! I don’t need a friend that’ll abandon me right now!” However, what is important to keep in mind is that this person is doing the best thing they know how by them, with their own experience, beliefs and knowledge on the topic and the relationship.

Many people mishandle toxic relationships – and with emotions running high, often because it’s very stressful and you feel as though the whole world is shouting at you what you should do and everyone knows better than you – but it doesn’t have to be this way.

What can you do?

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