How to kick-start your new year and why 2015 will be better than 2014

2015 is the year of opportunity!

Winston Churchill said: A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

In order to be the year of opportunity, it is also the year of letting go:

Let go of past hurts

Let go of bad memories

Let go of judgements

You need all the space you can create to allow for these great opportunities to come through, so de-clutter your mind, body and spirit, release anything toxic or negative, and get set to thrive and achieve!

This year believe that everything coming into your life that doesn’t or won’t serve you, will bounce off the white light surrounding you, protecting you in your journey forward.

So how can you really kick-start your new year? Sometimes people want to start the quest but don’t know the steps to get there so here are some ideas:

1. Set your New Year Resolutions (if you haven’t already) and make them specific and clear
2. Make a commitment to love yourself – only allow positive and healthy things into your life
3. Challenge yourself to achieve something you haven’t done in previous years
4. Whatever you’ve been putting off: make it a goal to do it within the next six months
5. Make yourself proud! Be your best self every day. Define what that means to you and start striving towards it
6. Failure is a stepping stone to success. Don’t worry about failure, just be open to learn from your mistakes
7. Find people like the person you want to be and surround yourself with them as often as possible
8. Write a 101 life-goal list … it’s a list of 101 goals for your life. Google examples and go for it! Start achieving today
9. Find a new mentor to guide you through the year
10. It’s the Year of Opportunity! You create your own luck but also be open for opportunities to come your way. The rule of thumb this year: if it moves you forward – do it!

As for how you can ensure 2015 is better than 2014?

• Do things differently: try something else for anything that didn’t work
• Get motivated and get excited: it’s a new year
• Leave the past behind and start fresh – it’s new, how can you tell? Because you have a past and past is experience. Use it to further you, but leave the baggage behind
• Don’t wait for things to be perfect: The Arc was built by amateurs and Titanic was built by professionals – go for it!
• When you attach meaning to something ask yourself: what else could it mean?
• Live each day to the full, be in the present moment and go forward with confidence!
• Love yourself to the point that you need no one else

Looking for a personalised plan? Book a coaching session (45 mins – 60 mins) to free yourself in areas of business, relationships and everyday life and achieve your best.

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All the best in 2015 xx

How to know who your real friends are

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success. Doug Larson

Knowing who your real friends are can be a serious challenge! Sometimes people appear in our lives only when they need something – they seem so nice though. Fleeting friends like these can make it hard for us – are they a real friend or not? Don’t wait until the going gets rough to find out! This week Happiness Weekly identifies some simple ways that you can decipher who is a real friend and who isn’t.

 Listen to what they say
– A true friend will be supportive through the bad times and the good. They won’t be jealous of your successes, they’ll be happy with you.
– A true friend will make you feel needed, confident and happy when you’re around them. They are kind when you need it and offer constant encouragement in all areas of your life.
– A true friend is your cheerleader. They will compliment you and stand by you to cheer you on through all life’s ups and downs. They will always want the best for you.

Note: If they put you down or make you feel miserable or worthless, they’re not a true friend.

Watch how they treat you
– A true friend will listen to you. They will have time for you, and if they don’t, they will make time for you.
– A true friend will let you share your thoughts and offer you feedback. They will actively participate in the conversation and care about the outcome afterwards, generally following up to see how you got on.
– A true friend will react to the things you tell them with genuine care and compassion. They will remember important details you tell them.
– A true friend will actively participate in the conversation. It won’t be one or other doing all the talking or listening. A friendship is best shared in all aspects.
– A true friend will treat you as you treat them. Both people will put the same amount of effort into the friendship and make time to catch up and act with integrity.
– A true friend will keep their promises to you. They will turn up. They are always reliable and available when you need them.
– A true friend won’t have any ulterior motivations for the friendship. They will want to be around you because they value you as a person, not because they want to be popular, they’re bored or it’s convenient to them.

Note: If the person shares their problems and then appears bored or distracted when you share yours, they’re not a true friend.

Share advice and opinions
– A true friend will come to you for advice or your opinion. They will make you feel like an expert where they are weak. They will make you feel good about yourself!
– A true friend will accept your thoughts and feelings about things without knowing the full story, and love you anyway. You should feel comfortable speaking openly to them.
– A true friend will be able to predict your moods and know what you’re thinking and feeling.
– A true friend will be open to hearing feedback and criticism when you disappointed in their behaviour. You should feel free to communicate openly when things are good and when they’re not.

Note: There’s always room for improvement and no friendship is perfect. If your friend makes you feel you can’t approach when you’re upset about something, they’re not a real friend.

Know the difference between chat and gossip
– A true friend won’t be after gossip but genuine conversation and they will never ever gossip about you behind your back.
– A true friend will keep a confidence when you confide in them no matter what consequences arise for them. They will always have your best interests at heart.

Note: If your friend regularly gossips about their other friends, it’s probable they will gossip about you too.

Is it easy to catch up?
– A true friend never needs to check a diary for a catch up, they will either have time or make time for you.
– A true friend will always follow through with scheduling time to catch up and will call regularly just for a chat to catch up on general life.
– A true friend will enjoy your company and look forward to catching up with you. They will try to include you in their life as much as possible.

Note: If your friend is too busy for you but has time for others, or if they’re always too busy to spend time with you, they are not a true friend.

Simple signs your friendship is real
– You face problems together and are there for each other
-You share what you can because you truly care about each other
– You make time for each other
– You offer each other advice and a listening ear
– You forgive quickly
– You protect each other
– You give each other freedom
– You communicate effectively with each other
– You accept each other as you are
– You are genuine towards each other
– You compromise with each other
– You support each other’s growth changes
– You’re there for each other for every challenge as a support, believing in each other
– You want the best for each other
– You have realistic expectations of each other
– You demonstrate your respect for each other in small ways on a regular basis
– You keep promises to each other
– You’re honest with each other all the time (no secrets) and have a solid trusting relationship
– You stick together through thick and thin!

How to be inspired

If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us. Daisaku Ikeda

People often ask me how I get inspired to write my blog posts – how do I always have a topic to address? Where do I find my inspiration? How do I know what people want to read? The truth is, my instincts tell me.

I have a basic plan that I follow throughout the year which prevents me from getting “writers block”, and I sometimes blog a couple of weeks ahead to ensure I fulfil my commitment of a blog a week – after all, it is Happiness Weekly! But my inspiration comes from living my daily life. If something comes up professionally or personally that I have learnt from, particularly any big lessons, then I will share that instead of going ahead with the planned blog. I keep my ear out and my heart on my sleeve – generally if I’m passionate about it and it’s something I am feeling at the time, it comes through my writing.

But it’s not just writing. Often when we’re depressed or feeling out of sorts, we can spend long periods of time at home, lounging around or in bed. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can be inspired to get up and go every day!

1. Have something to look forward to
Often when things become routine they can also become a bit boring or demotivating and we start to drop off as our passion for something we may have once enjoyed, also dims. Whether it’s a job, going to the gym, or even catching up with our partner – our feelings for things are always changing. The way to resolve this problem effectively is to always have something to look forward to. If it’s work getting you down – set up a lunch with a colleague you enjoy spending time with or find a local walk you enjoy that you could only do by working in your location or find a boutique shop nearby that you enjoy going to and go during your lunch break; if it’s the gym, perhaps scheduling a reward after you go to the gym, or mix up your routine to keep it interesting … or just weigh yourself – it generally works for me! And if you’re having a lull with your partner, don’t threat – we all do! Why not plan a nice date night out – often people forget how great it feels to dress up really nicely and enjoy the company of our favourite person in the world. Spice things up. Go away for a weekend. Instead of rejecting your partner, as many of us do during those lulls, encourage them to come closer – the hug and kiss at the end of the night make everything worth it!

2. Remind yourself why it’s important to do what you’re doing
Sometimes, no matter how much I enjoy my job, I find myself dragging my feet to work. Maybe I feel I have too much on my plate and I’m burdened; maybe I disappointed a colleague the day before and I’m scared of repercussions… I have done two things to prevent this from happening. First of all, I have made a promise to myself to look forward to every day no matter what – because each day is a gift, not a right (thank you, Nickelback!) and secondly, I remind myself how lucky I am to have a job in the first place. I look at everything I have, the bills I’m paying, the clothes on my back … and no matter how hard everything feels, I realise how fortunate I am to have this role and I continue to promise myself to do the best I can in that role every day that I am there. If this positive thinking isn’t helping, go with your negativity – what would it be like without this role? Have you ever been unemployed? Speak to someone who doesn’t have a full time role at the moment who is seeking work and believe me, it will be a ten minute conversation before you’re appreciating what you have again! Nothing is more depressing than not having a purpose to get out of bed each morning.

3. Know what you want
As outlined above, sometimes in order to be inspired, you need to dig a little deep into what is really bothering you and find out what you really want from your situation. Spend a weekend once every few months to reassess what you really want out of life. What is your motivation, your ambition, your purpose for being on earth. Start planning how you will chase your dream – even if you only start with a course or trying something slightly new, the only thing holding you back from getting what you want is you.

4. Find out what others want
If you’re looking to be inspired, and you’re completely directionless with your life – you’re not alone! You can resolve this by simply finding out what other people want from their lives. Ask a few friends about their interests and passions. Once you have this information you can have a look through it and take the ideas that you like and disregard the ideas that don’t resonate with you as much. I always find that finding various ways that I may be able to inspire others also helps to inspire me.

5. Fill the voids
Have you ever got that feeling where you have so much … STUFF … in your life but you feel completely empty? Like nothing you have is anything you want or need? And then it’s hard to know what to do next … we can’t have a garage sale with our life! You need to stop filling your life up with things and start looking for the voids and finding what you can do to satisfy these areas in your life. Soul searching is required and it may be exhausting – if you need help, a good psychologist or life coach is recommended.

6. Write it down
I must drive you all crazy with the amount of things I say to write down. Maybe it’s because I enjoy writing lists (as some of you may have noticed?) – but by writing down the things that inspire you, you have a tangible list to refer back to. Then if you’re feeling lost or stuck for inspiration at a later date, you can refer back to it again.

7. Take photos/screenshots
When you find something that inspires or motivates you, take a screenshot or photo of it. If it makes you laugh, take a video on your phone – post it to your Facebook page – trust me, you will still find yourself laughing when you look back in time to come. If you appreciate something now, you may well appreciate it later. By taking a photo or screenshot of something that inspires us, it makes our feelings towards that thing more vivid – it takes us back to the time when the photo was taken and draws us into the picture, that’s what photography can be so powerful.

8. Talk to people and LISTEN
Talking to people can generally involve listening to their thoughts and feelings about certain things, but if you listen really hard, you can build on that for yourself. Similar to trying to find out what others want, you can draw your inspiration from everyday conversation – the same way you can drop something you’ve been working on and pick it up a week later with a fresh perspective to create it into something better. This is actually a powerful one – it is mainly through talking to people and really listening to what they have to say that I am mostly inspired for my Happiness Weekly blogs! Let’s hope people still talk to me once they read this…!

Other ways to be inspired include: getting back to nature – taking a walk or going camping, calling a friend, reading something, listening to music, smelling something, listening to an expert, reading, exercising, eating something, meditating, free-writing, doing something different or trying something new, reading a biography, interviewing someone you admire, watching something interesting or different on television, search for more ideas on the internet…

Be proactive against bullying

Some people won’t be happy until they’ve pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away. Donna Schoenrock

I’ve been actually really very pleased to see how much awareness was raised around bullying, and how deeply it affects everyone. You know, you don’t have to be the loser kid in high school to be bullied. Bullying and being picked on comes in so many different forms. Lady Gaga

The words of a bully can haunt for a lifetime, but a victim’s words – describing their pain – never feels enough. Unknown

More and more suicides caused by bullying, or bullycide incidents, are occurring as the brutality takes to the internet. Amanda Todd (pictured) is the recent poster girl as her story hit international headlines following a cry for help posted on YouTube. She’s not the first to take her life because of bullying and the eerie truth is: she won’t be the last.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics 2012, reducing bullying in schools is one of the top social issues consistently important to students across the country. It’s hard to believe that 1 in 10 students that drops out of school, does so because of repeated bullying. Celebrities, such as country singer Taylor Swift, claim to have been bullied at school. Many, including Taylor, write popular songs about their ordeal, and while this may glamorise a very ugly subject, it also raises awareness for a highly under-rated issue.

With more and more organisations fighting to combat bullying, there is still little information and support out there for victims that are suffering in silence. The scars from bullying are rarely acknowledged – possibly because past victims don’t want to open those old wounds to discuss and revisit what happened to them. I am absolutely passionate about combatting bullying – in schools and the office. More can be done! It is National Anti-Bullying Week this week (starting today), so Happiness Weekly looks at how YOU can be proactive against bullying and what more we can do.

What does bullying do to a person long-term?
It affects their…
– Self-worth: they’re so used to hearing that they’re a failure and all the things they can’t do that they’re filled with self-doubt. This affects victims for a long time after the bullying stops. It’s exhausting trying to get the energy to find self-worth again! If nothing is done, this self-doubt becomes so ingrained in the victim’s mind that when applying for jobs or going for a promotion, they will tend not to over-extend themselves and will stick to roles they are confident they can do. Not out of laziness, but out of doubt. Doubts they only have because other people put them there.
– Commitments: They will probably avoid any situation where they feel as though they will be harassed, caged-in, anxious, bullied or defeated. This could affect things such as serious relationships and job prospects going forward – because if something that is said is taken the wrong way, that person who was once a victim of bullying will replay the tape in their mind and feel the same emotions they felt at the time of the bullying, can take it a lot more personally than originally intended and will more than likely avoid the situation by leaving the relationship or job – which could ultimately affect their career.
More symptoms published by the Herald Sun are available here or read what victims and bullies say upon reflection here.

Generally adults with power (teachers, parents and managers) will tell victims not to respond or fight back: “just ignore it” – an unproductive response that doesn’t validate their feelings or needs. We all need to start taking responsibility and empowering our youth! Children need to learn assertive communication and be given practical tips for how to overcome the feelings they have after suffering at the hands of bullies. Some more practical solutions and alternatives to the “just ignore it” response, may include:

VICTIM: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Choose not to be the victim (avoid the bully, don’t play into their hands)
– Seek courses in leadership, conflict management, assertive communication, self-esteem
– Be proactive in shifting your focus from the suffering and feelings of self-worth and guilt
– Find a way to take advantage of the situation – look for the lessons, let it strengthen you
– Speak to the school counsellor, a teacher or year advisor: suggest an afterschool class for victims – if you’re at work, speak to your HR department recommend team building if the bully is in your team and see if you can find a common ground to relate to them
– Tell your parents or a close friend and ask them to take part in an educational program with you

Remember, bullying doesn’t stop in high school – statistics show that workplace bullying and harassment is on the rise. The fact is you can’t change the bully or make them go away, but you can change yourself (choose not to be the victim), take control and ultimately change the result.

BULLY: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Find out what is causing them to be nasty and need the power associated with bullying
– Fill the void with a healthy alternative such as taking a class: kindness, leadership, anger management, mindfulness programs etc.
– Speak to a counsellor
– Avoid toxic friends and people who support or encourage the behaviour

Bullies need to first realise they have a problem before they can be proactive in seeking the help and guidance they need. A key area to shift the bully’s focus is to concentrating on how they can change for the better and becoming the best person possible.

PARENT: What you can do before it becomes a problem
– Communicate a zero-tolerance for bullying behaviour by applying negative consequences if displayed. Clear, fair and significant consequences may include grounding, repaying stolen money, restoring damage etc.
– Teach your child to control their anger productively
– Teach your child good values and behaviours, tell them that their behaviour affects others
– If you find your child bullying someone, ask them to explain their events before turning them in (this is the best way for them to take responsibility)
If your child is being bullied:
– Keep a diary of any injuries, report physical assaults to the school and police
– Monitor your child’s friendships and whereabouts.

FACTS AND STATISTICS
– One student in every four in Australian schools is affected by bullying, says recent research commissioned by the Federal Government
– An estimated 200 million children and youth around the world are being bullied by their peers, according to the 2007 Kandersteg Declaration Against Bullying in Children and Youth
– According to the Centre for Adolescent Health, kids who are bullied are three times more likely to show depressive symptoms
– Children who were bullied were up to nine times more likely to have suicidal thoughts
– Girls who were victims of bullying in their early primary school years were more likely to remain victims as they got older, according to British research
– Girls were much more likely than boys to be victims of both cyber and traditional bullying, says a recent Murdoch Children’s Research Institute study
– Young people who bully have a one in four chance of having a criminal record by the age of 30
– Bullying is the fourth most common reason young people seek help from children’s help services.
– Around the world, more than one in six children are bullied at school, every week. More than one in six employees are bullied at work, and some research suggests that more employees are bullied at work!
– Bullying causes billions of damage to everyone concerned, the target, bully, onlookers, families, school, workplace, employers and the community.
– Bullying causes accumulative layers of primary and secondary injuries. These include physical, psychological, social and identity injuries. It can affect studies, career, relationships and financial wellbeing. It can cause a severe Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, lasting many years.

BEATING THE CYBER BULLIES

What is CYBER BULLYING?
Cyber bullying chases victims onto the Internet – it involves the digital communication (text messages, emails, phone calls, internet chat rooms, instant messages and social media using sights such as Bebo, Facebook and MySpace) to support, deliberate, repeated and hostile behaviour.

While it’s fantastic that technology is evolving, unfortunately bullying is evolving with it which means you can be bullied anywhere, any time – even receiving cruel taunts in the privacy of your own bedroom. Studies show that cyber bullying is on the rise, with one third of teenagers in a recent survey having had mean, threatening or embarrassing things said about them online. Stop Cyber Bullying Day is this Wednesday, 14 November 2012.

What can you do to prevent cyber bullying happening to you?
Tell someone you trust: parent, friend, teacher, school counsellor, neighbour etc.
Block the cyber bully: delete your social media account, or simply empower yourself by blocking the cyber bully. Unsure how? Check with your phone or internet service provider or ask Google.
Report it: Report abuse on Facebook/MySpace, alternatively your ISP or phone provider may help provide a log which you can take to your school, university, place of work or even the police.
Keep the evidence: Keep any texts, emails, online conversations or voicemails as evidence which can help track down the bully. If you’re tempted to look at it, keep a log including the time and date it took place to avoid further torturing yourself.
Change your details: Get a new phone number, a new username for the internet, a new email … and ensure only your closest friends get the new information.

Happiness Weekly’s suggested solution to assist victims of cyber bullying and provide an alternative to bullycide
Now that the internet is becoming more popular, and is certainly a place that bullies turn to in order to further insult and humiliate their victims, more can be done right here – online! And I don’t mean more information and more facts…

A quick Google search retrieves information on schoolyard and workplace bullying. Sprinkled with a few stats and facts – suggesting you are not alone. The fact is anyone who is being bullied – for whatever reason – feels alone. No one can take the sting away, but someone can be there to listen and support those in need.

If Happiness Weekly had the capacity to become an anti-bullying organisation, the first thing I would suggest would be an online support group for those being bullied. That’s right – let’s take some of the people off the phones for Lifeline and sit them on a computer to share advice and help these kids (or adults) without them having to speak a word.

And I’m not talking about a lazy forum with a single moderator – I mean a full on page, where people can INDIVIDUALLY talk to a counsellor they choose in a chat session. FOR FREE! The government should support this – with trained professionals. The aim of the idea is to offer 24 hour support, seven days a week, on an international level.

Making a phone call is powerful, but how many kids refuse to talk? Saying it out loud may mean admitting the problem, it may be failure, it may mean kids won’t seek help. Having somewhere online, where kids can set up an appointment with an expert (possibly via text?), join a chat room or even meet them on MSN Messenger, Windows Live or even Skype and just chat it out for an hour or two – feel validated and then put some positive advice into practice could be what leads to a saved nation.

I admit that I am exceptionally passionate about this idea and that stems from having being bullied. The thing is, I didn’t call a helpline for fear someone would overhear the conversation, leading to further embarrassment – and admitting the problem out loud is also unsettling, while it may be the first step to recovery. Our counselling professionals and specialists need to band together to create a safe-haven online and produce some real-time online support – that way victims will always have someone there for them when they need them without the fear of being overheard.

If such a network existed, there would certainly be a reduction in bullicides. Start locally, if a counsellor, or five, from each state got together, we could start with Australia – with the hope of expanding the movement as a global support hub.

What is often overlooked is that bullying not only affects those who are being traumatised, but also those who are watching on. Such a support group could offer real-time advice to school counsellors out of ideas, or people watching victims who won’t defend themselves.

A lot of bullying has taken to Social Media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, and they need to stand up and take responsibility as well. Why not employ hackers to shut down access from their IP address – or no hackers, just block the IP address from accessing their site anymore. Bullies will get tired of buying new computers eventually! Nip it in the bud! Don’t block an email account, they can easily start a new one and continue their horrible mission… wipe their IP from having access to your system – ever again! People that bully online are not responsible enough to re-join social networking communities.

What do you think? Would it work? Why or why not?

Need support? You can speak to trained counsellors by phoning these 24-hour telephone counselling services:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Kids Help Line 1800 551 800

Information and support is also available from the following websites:
Beyondblue – http://www.beyondblue.org.au
Youth Beyondblue – http://www.youthbeyondblue.com
Info Line 1300 22 4636
Sane 1800 187 263

More organisations that recognise bullying as a major problem:
– Happiness Weekly (there’s more practical and beneficial things to do than bullying!)
– World Kindness Australia
– Enough is Enough
– Human Rights Anti Bullying
– Beat bullying

Please remember Bullying Awareness Week starts today and Anti Bullying Week in the UK follows the week after. Donate to the above organisations, spread word about them to friends and colleagues or be proactive this week against bullying!

Please leave your suggestions for how we could be more proactive against bullying below. Alternatively if you are interested in discussing the topic further or need more direct assistance, contact me and I’ll get back to you! Bullycide is completely preventable. Stop bullying.

How to write a good profile for a dating website

Online dating is just as murky and full of lemons as finding a used car in the classifieds. Once you learn the lingo, it’s easier to spot the models with high mileage and no warranty. Laurie Perry

Internet dating is becoming the most recognised way to meet your match. With so many people now heading to the internet for love, the competition is increasing and it is becoming harder to get noticed. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how to put your best foot forward and write a fantastic internet dating profile.

Benefits of internet dating
– It’s a great way to screen people before spending time with them to ensure you have enough in common
– You only talk to people for as long as you need, til you gauge interest or a connection before you can move on
– It’s safe – if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you can easily block them or exit away from the situation
– It’s fun, great for your self-esteem (as people introduce themselves to you) and for meeting new people
– Even if you meet someone and it doesn’t work out, you may become friends
– You’re in control. You only need to share the information you choose to, there’s no pressure, you can even hide your identity until you find the right person for you
– Like the best things in life, it’s FREE (depending on what site you use) and it’s convenient – particularly if you work long hours and don’t get to go out much
– The fear of rejection is significantly reduced because it’s easy not to have expectations. Even if you talk for weeks and they vanish or find someone else, it’s ok because there are so many other options!

Selecting you profile picture
If you’re serious about meeting the right people, your internet dating profile should be approached as you would a job interview. Select a nice, clear and classy photo that represents you well for your main profile picture. Make it a current (within the past year) photo so as not to mislead anyone.

What to write
– Your first sentence should be something about you that will set you apart from everyone else. It needs to show your personality but it doesn’t have to be witty. Or start simply with some positive adjectives to describe yourself: Loyal, fun, caring, intelligent, confident, sensitive, daring, honest…
– Be honest. Don’t say you’re an expert at something if you’re not, don’t pretend to have more money than you have. Be yourself: and remember – those who mind: don’t matter, and those who matter: don’t mind
– Write passionately and creatively about your interests and hobbies. Focus on the things you LOVE in life – that will make other people sense your passion and want to be part of it!
– State clearly and honestly what you’re looking for. If it’s short-term, explain why (going overseas? Just out of a relationship, don’t want anything serious?)
– Are you educated? Have you studied? What did you study? What field do you work in? Career-wise, what are you most passionate about?
– If you do want to avoid certain people (for example players), put it back on yourself but keep it fresh, light and always finish positively: “Straight up – I’m not a one-night-stand girl. I’m selective about who I will let in my life. Initially, I am just looking for new friends, new perspective and new inspiration” or “I’m not a package deal – I have never been married, I have no lingering or jealous ex-boyfriends, no children, no haunting past… I have a cute dog?? But he doesn’t live with me.”
– List the things you love: favourite food, activities/hobbies, favourite tv shows, sports, entertainment etc.
– Go into detail about your favourite thing to do in your favourite season. For example: “My favourite thing to do is go out on a boat with friends, crank up the tunes and drink the afternoon away. Nothing beats it!”
– When saying where you live, this is where I say I live a suburb further than I am. You don’t want any crazies tracking you down!

What you are looking for
– The key to this section of your profile is knowing EXACTLY what you are looking for. Do you want a smoker or a non-smoker? A social drinker or a non-drinker?
– Be selective! It can be tempting to put “A great person” in there, but by being specific you are more inclined to encourage the right people to talk to you.
– Fill in this section with positive adjectives about the person you are looking to date: outgoing, educated, generous, funny (not at other’s expense), mature, accepting etc.

What to avoid saying on your profile
– Saying anything negative on your profile. Instead of saying what you don’t want, use the space to say what you DO want (after all – you’re marketing yourself and you want to come across as positive and happy)
– Mentioning or inferring anything negative about your past “No players”, “Control freaks need not apply”, “I come without baggage”. You can discuss this stuff when you make it to the date
– Likening your appearance to a celebrity. Embrace your individuality – the celebrity talk will make you appear conceited
– Lying in any way – if you lie then you’ll get found out in the end. It’s a horrible way to start a relationship with someone – just be honest!
– Giving too much information. Not just in your profile but when you begin talking to people. Don’t tell them your life story straight away, leave a little mystery
– Shorthand – not everyone gets what OMG LMAO ATM means. Keep it real, straight to the point and simple
– Committing to meeting everyone you talk to. It can be tempting, but remember to be selective when you meet with people. You don’t want to be too available and remember, the person you’re attracting may also have friends on there, so try to avoid saying the same thing to everyone. Keep your introductory letters unique to each individual you chat to.

In short, the best way to write a great Internet dating profile is to be positive – remember, when you meet, no one’s perfect. Good luck and I hope this helps you to find love!

Relationship Advice: How to fight fair

An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

Name calling, threats of breaking up, yelling – we’ve all done it. Relationships are not always smooth sailing and conflicts can be hurtful, even when they are quickly resolved. Learning to fight fair is essential for the future of any healthy, loving relationship.

While experts say conflict is healthy – there is little material available teaching us how to fight fairly when we are upset or hurt, and it’s this information that could save our relationships and avoid any further hurt being caused. So, how can we fight fair without hurting our relationship or the partner we love?

Listen to your partner
If your partner is picking a fight with you – it may be out of character. Perhaps acknowledging that they are not in a good mood and asking what you could do to help, may be enough to prevent the argument from escalating. This is particularly useful if it is clear that your partner has already had a difficult day at work – or if it is you that has had a challenging day, be open about it rather than picking a fight.

Keep the conversation relevant
Bringing up past conflicts or other agendas that have upset you in the past, and trying to talk about them while dealing with the problem at hand, will only lead to confusion in the communication. By the end of the conflict, you both may have put all kinds of bad things together and have forgotten how the dispute started but have no resolution and be both upset and hurt. Stick to the issue at hand, identify the problem and search for a single solution, rather than likening it to other issues you may have had.

Avoid talking about the future
Now is certainly not the time to talk about the future. If you’re arguing, you’ll both be hurting and this is where one or other of you can say something you regret. Cutting off something that may or may not happen in the future because of something that is happening now is not ideal. For example, your partner leaves dirty dishes in the sink – and you’re already fighting about your in-laws – so you add: “That’s it! I’m not moving in with you while you leave your dishes in the sink!” Comments like this are unnecessary, and will only exasperate the situation and intensify your partner’s upset and anger towards you. When and if it came time to moving in with each other – both parties habits will naturally change over time as you adjust to living together. Trust that this will happen and avoid adding anything else unnecessarily.

Don’t make any decisions
Never end a relationship while you’re having a fight. Wait until things calm down, and then you can make your decision. This will save you from having any regrets about your decision and prevent your relationship from appearing on-again and off-again to those around you. Avoid making threats or saying “always” or “never” – you may regret it later.

Ensure both parties are ready before you fight
Don’t fight after one of you has already had a hard day, you’re just adding to the burden and hurting the person. If both parties are ready for a heated debate, then neither party should “win” – which ultimately damages the relationship. Know when the argument is over and let it go. Always give your partner an out to maintain their dignity. If either party are not ready to fight – don’t fight at that time, to be fair, put it on an agenda for another time. Bed time is time out – never go to sleep on an argument.

Don’t say hurtful things intentionally
Avoid the temptation of temporarily feeling empowered in an argument by using your confidential knowledge of your partner’s weaknesses and sensitive to “win” an argument. Remember, when you’re fighting fairly, there is only compromise – there are no winners.

Show that you’re listening: seek feedback and clarification
Without it feeling as though you’re entering couples therapy, open up your communication as much as possible, to find the information your partner is upset about so you can seek to correct it. “Sweety, what I hear you’re saying is that you think I share too many of our personal details with my girlfriends, is that right?” That gives your partner a chance to correct you or not. You can even ask your partner how they would prefer you to communicate and behave in future so they are happy and satisfied. Nobody intentionally wants to see their partner upset.

Be open to change and learning
Don’t waste a good fight by not learning from it. Be open to change and permit growth as you extract insight and information from each argument you have in your relationship. Implement specific and realistic changes immediately – for example, it could be agreed that if your partner appears tense, you are able to encourage them to talk about it, rather than remaining silent as has been done in the past.

Be real
If you are serious about fighting fairly and having positive outcomes from a dispute, deal with the issue at hand, not with a symptom of the problem. Be honest about what’s really bothering you, or you will walk away from the exchange even more frustrated.

Focus on the solution, not the problem
Once you finish your initial vent and release some anger, focus on finding the solution. Attack the problem, not your partner. Search for the win-win compromise. At the end of the day remember you are on the same team – you’re working towards a common goal: you both want to be loved and appreciated, and remain in a happy relationship.

Come back to it
If you start to feel exhausted or warn down from the fight, explain that you don’t think you’re going to reach a decision on it at the moment and you may need to come back to it at a later date. Give each other the ability to withdraw or change their mind.

Things to avoid
– Referring to past mistakes or incidences – it won’t help anything: it will only cause more pain and frustration to both parties
– Blaming your partner – take mutual responsibility where you can
– Comparing to others, situations or stereotypes
– Playing games – now is not the time: be straight about your feelings and direct about what you want or need in a situation
– Involving other people – the fight is between two people only
– Interrupting – maintain your respect for your partner. Also avoid negative non-verbal expressions such as rolling your eyes, smirking, yawning, finger pointing, crossing your arms, appearing bored etc
– Separation talk. Talking this way will quickly erode your partner’s confidence in your commitment to the relationship. Trust is not easily restored once it is broken in this way
– Assuming. Always be open to your partners side, don’t try to read their mind or expect them to read yours. Find out what went wrong and how you can improve for next time
– Using defensive behaviour. Don’t defend or justify or you lock yourself into a position of right and wrong – which is like blaming. It perpetuates rather than resolves conflict
– Stonewalling. NO stonewalling when you are trying to resolve conflict. Shutting down, withdrawing, or refusing to engage is generally perceived to mean that you just don’t care about the issue at hand, or worse yet, the person to whom you are speaking. It comes across as insulting and demeaning. Communicate if you need a break, let the person know you need a break and you will resume the conversation again shortly. And keep your word!

Remember: Just because you have a disagreement, doesn’t mean your partner no longer loves you. If you are on the same team and you truly love each other, you will work it out. If the love is lost, let it go, there’s no point holding onto a hot coal or fixing something on your own. Part of being in a partnership means it will take two to work through things, every time.

How to avoid causing offence

A tactful person can tell you something you don’t want to hear and you will be thankful for the information when they are finished. Unknown.

How to express your opinion without offending anyone
Expressing your opinion or adhering to your values and beliefs without offending someone can be tricky. In a world where putting other people down is considered funny, communication skills are diminishing as diplomacy is being lost. Have you ever expressed your opinion to be shot down, condescended or ignored? Not everyone will think or feel the same way about things that you do, so how do you articulate your opinion without instantly receiving a negative reaction?

How to resolve conflicts without offending anyone
Conflict is not inherently bad. In fact, conflict stems from differing viewpoints and since no two people view the world exactly the same way, disagreement is quite normal. Don’t let conflict go unresolved because it can get out of control and it’s uncomfortable for all those involved. The key to managing conflict effectively is to learn the skills necessary to become a good conflict manager.

Tips for being a good conflict manager:
– Try to determine if there is a problem between you and the other person
– If there is a problem, set up a private face-to-face meeting to discuss it with the other person
– In a non-confrontational manner, ask the person if there is a problem. If the answer is no, tell them that you think there is and explain what you think it is
– As you talk, ask for feedback, do not “attack” the other person with accusations
– Keep an open mind and listen
– Respect each other’s opinions
– Avoid finger pointing and put yourself in the other person’s shoes
– Try to work out a compromise that pleases both of you.

How to respond when someone insults your convictions
An appropriate response when someone insults our values, opinions or beliefs, can make all the difference between managing a potential conflict or fanning the flames.
– Don’t react immediately: gather your thoughts before saying or doing anything
– Speak up, in a calm and rational manner. If you don’t want to let the comment pass, then ensure your response is reasonable and not a reaction
– Don’t take things personally, if the comment was offhanded and from someone you don’t know well, there’s a chance that person has no idea the remark may have offended you. Rather than assuming the statement was intended to be insulting, give the benefit of the doubt and allow for some ignorance on the part of the speaker
– Ask the questions: find out why the person said what they did. Maybe the person had a personal vendetta that made him speak out so strongly. If that is the case, accept it and move forward
– Play devil’s advocate and generalise the argument to deflect from it becoming personal: “You could see it that way, but there are also those who see is this way”
– Identify yourself with tact and generosity for the other person’s point of view – even though that person didn’t really accord you the same courtesy. “I respectfully disagree, (and explain why)…”
– If you still haven’t made your point, let the other person know that she/he is entitled to an opinion, likewise, so are you. Explain that you found their remarks to be hurtful and ask them to tone it down for the sake of courtesy
– Take the high road: maintain your cool. At the end of the day, if you are kindly and gentle in your response, he or she is the one who looks bad to others present. The only thing you need to worry about is what kind of person you are
– Maintain good manners, always appear helpful and polite. Even if they intend to insult you, others will draw their own conclusions
– If you feel overwhelmed during a confrontation, get a drink to occupy your hands
– Keep an open mind, if the other person appears to be making a logical argument, they may also have information about the issue that you were unaware of before – this could be an opportunity to learn something new!

How to offer criticism without causing offence
By altering your wording and your attitude, you can help someone grow.
– Avoid direct accusations – leave the word “you” out of it, it will make the person defensive and then they won’t listen to what you have to say
– Soften with compliments – this will lower their defences and make them feel appreciated. Think of the feedback given on a reality talent show “I really enjoyed your performance today, your dance had a lot of complex movements, and you chose the perfect song to complement your message – you put a lot of effort into it. There were just a few technical errors which also lead to pitch problems when you were singing – but overall, you were great”
– No “buts”. After you’ve shared your compliments give them time to absorb – a “but” will destroy all you’ve tried to accomplish by making your praise seem false and insincere.
– Advise with advice – help the person grow instead of shooting them down “Next time you might want to slow down your dance moves. I find it helpful when I let the back-up dancers take over so that I can concentrate on my singing – this keeps my act alive”
– Be specific – be detailed in your advice but don’t overload them. You want them to keep trying and improving, so don’t let them leave feeling defeated
– Three tactics include:
* Choosing your words carefully. In order to get your point across, will be the ultimate deciding factor of your effectiveness. Be conscious of the consequences of your words when reprimanding
* Sandwich technique. Start with a compliment, tell them where they can improve, finish with a compliment
* Think of the bigger picture. Be calm and relaxed before you think of attacking back. The person that loses their cool first, is the one that doesn’t get their message through clearly. Keep in mind others feelings when you are speaking to them, be patient with yourself and others.

How to disagree with someone diplomatically
– Reflect your understanding of the other person’s position or opinion, and then say “I think/feel/want…” which gives the message that you are listening and taking their opinion into account before stating your own.
– Let the other person know that you value him/her as a person although your opinions are different. “I understand/appreciate/respect/see how you feel that way” which says “I hear you and respect your opinion”.
– State your position or opinion “I feel/think/want” which says that you don’t agree but you value them and would like to exchange ideas comfortably and not as a contest for superiority.

Quick tips: how to communicate without offending people
– Address or correct the act or event, not the person
– Respond after fully listening and understanding the position of the other person, don’t interrupt
– Speak in a normal, respectful and loving tones
– Avoid devaluing a person’s statement or thinking
– Disagree without being disagreeable
– Always be polite and use your manners
– Treat others the way you want to be treated
– Don’t jump to conclusions or assume, repeat what they have said to verify
– Be courteous and have manners
– Maintain eye contact when conversing
– Avoid being blunt and dogmatic
– Encourage growth and change – you will attract more bees by honey than you will by vinegar
– Give grace and don’t expect perfection
– Avoid being rash with your words
– Be more interested in winning people than winning arguments
– Speak words that build people up
– Listen first to understand than to seek to be understood
– Think before you speak and react
– Avoid being judgemental, critical or condescending
– Always assume the best in people
– Be humble and gentle when correcting people.

What to do if you have offended someone
– Understand what you have done to offend the person. Be empathetic from their shoes
– Think about what you want to say to make things right
– Talk to your friend (face-to-face) about the situation, apologise to them privately, state the reason why you said what you did, explain how you feel and make suggestions on move forward (don’t forget to maintain eye contact)
– Exercise patience and respect your friend’s space if not all is forgiven
– Being ready to talk it out is key. Be sincere, honest and prepared to take responsibility.

Resolving conflicts in meetings – without offending your teammates
Conflicts in meetings can be helpful. If the person disagreeing with you is raising valid questions, it may benefit the group to address the issues they are presenting. So how do you get a meeting back on track when it’s spiralling out of control?
– Find truth in the other person’s perspective that you can build on
– Identify areas of agreement in the two positions
– Defer the subject to later in the meeting
– Document the subject and set it aside to discuss in the next meeting
– Ask to speak with the individual after the meeting or during a break
– See if someone else in the meeting has a response or recommendation
– Present your view, let things be and go on to the next topic
– Agree that the person has a valid point
– Create a compromise
– Remember you’re both on the same team!

Resolving conflict in negotiations
There are certain principles you can apply to increase your chances of a successful negotiation when conflict arises:
– Avoid defend-attack interaction
– Seek more information: ask questions
– Check understanding and summarise: ensure you are understanding everything
– Understand the other person’s perspective – communication is more than just listening – try to see it their way!

How to say “no” without offending anyone
– “This sounds interesting, but unfortunately I am swamped with other projects at the moment”. This statement shows interest which gets the person you’re communicating on side, you’re validating the importance of what they have pointed out, but you are still politely declining.
– “I’m really sorry – but the last time I ______, I had ______(a negative experience)”. This will work because no one will intentionally want to hurt you. The statement takes the focus off what you want or do not want to do and remains at the bad experience you had.
– “I’d love to _____, but _____”. This says that you like the idea, you are willing to help but you just can’t at the moment. The trick is to try to avoid going into a lengthy justification or it really will come across as an excuse.
– “This sounds great, but I’m not the best person to help you – why don’t you try asking ___?” If you honestly feel you can’t contribute to the task at hand, lacking time and resources, be proactive and helpful about it. This statement let’s the person know up front that you cannot commit to help, but you can refer them to someone who can assist you.
– “I can’t do this, but I can do ______ (lesser commitment)”. This is a fast way to get you off the hook and avoid over-extending yourself. While saying no, you are still offering help on your own terms by making an easier, less time-consuming commitment.
– “You look great, but ____ does not do you justice”. This is the most diplomatic way of expressing your opinion to say you don’t like something about someone’s appearance or taste in clothing, without hurting their feelings.
– “That sounds great, but unfortunately I’m busy for the next few weeks. How about I call you ____ (specific time range).” This gives you time to reflect and consider something before making a final decision.

How to avoid being let down

Look. I have a strategy. Why expect anything? If you don’t expect anything, you don’t get disappointed. Patricia McCormick

It’s a horrible feeling when a family member, a friend or someone we think we know disappoints us. Consider this: You’ve cleared a day of your weekend to spend it with a friend. When you call to make final arrangements that morning, they have other plans. You spend the rest of the day feeling let down.

Here’s some tips on how to avoid this situation:

Be organised – make your plan early
Make a plan of what you want to do with that friend. Call them EARLY to discuss your idea and let them know you’re looking forward to it and will confirm details the day before. I suggest making a Plan B in case your original plan falls through – anything can happen at the last minute and it may be outside anyone’s control.

Make a ‘Plan B’
Plan B is very important because it’s all about you. So if you’re crushed with disappointment, you’re not at a complete loose end. Even if it’s as simple as watching a specific movie at home by yourself, taking your dog to the park or baking a cake – make Plan B all about you and select an activity that you will still look forward to.

Communicate
Once you have your plan with your friend sorted, give them a call (the earlier the better) and let them know what you have in mind. Finish the call by telling that person you’re really looking forward to seeing them and you will call the day before to confirm final arrangements including your meeting time and place. That way, the person can pencil it in their calendar without knowing everything.

Follow up
Call your friend the day before your engagement as you promised. Finalise all details. If plans fall through at this point, then you still have time to make other plans with another friend, so don’t let it dishearten you. If plans are going ahead, then great!

Keep ‘Plan B’ in mind
Up until the moment that you see your friend, keep Plan B in mind. This means your plans and happiness aren’t dependant on someone else and outside forces. It’s keeping you in control of the situation. Also remember that your real friends enjoy your company and will also be looking forward to your plans so will be unlikely to disappoint.

In summary – to avoid disappointment:
– Expect the best but prepare for the worst
– Make sure your goals/plans are realistic
– Live to your standards and expectations, be reliable, act with integrity
– Accept that you don’t have control over someone else or outside forces
– Avoid having any expectations
– Don’t rely on anyone or anything for your happiness
– Believe in second chances – some people are just like that – accept it
– Realise that when things don’t work out straight away, it’s not the end of the world – sometimes it can work out even better than you expected.

Being happy with what you have (or how to change it!)

Happiness is self-contentedness. Aristotle

Being happy with what you have is the fastest way to be truly happy every day. Unfortunately, you may have experienced losing something or someone that was making you happy, simply by taking it for granted. Many people don’t learn from this mistake – mostly because they don’t know how and they’re not open to changing their ways.

In 1965 at President Johnson’s second inauguration, Rabbi Hyman Schachtel said: “Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.” Appreciating what you have makes us happy because it gives us the opportunity to step back from the detail and have a look at the overall picture. Honestly appreciating the people in your life and making time to show them your gratitude (by spending time with them or doing small things for them, even just letting them know) will make you a happier person because it gives you presence and helps you to honour your life as it is. Being thankful for these small but significant blessings is a choice, and a simple positive decision can open you to positive feedback.

In fact, research has shown that gratitude enhances your quality of life. A studied by two psychologists (Michael McCollough of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, and Robert Emmons of the University of California at Davis) showed that daily gratitude resulted in higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. It also showed less cases of depression and stress, the subjects were more likely to help others, appreciated regular exercise and made greater progress towards achieving goals.

How to appreciate what you have
There is no specific method in learning to appreciate what you have – but there are some exercises you can do to start practising.
1. A gratitude journal. Write down three to ten things you appreciate each day before bed
2. A gratitude letter. Write a letter to someone who has exerted a positive influence in your life but who you haven’t had a chance to properly thank
3. A 21-day challenge. Avoid complaining, criticising or gossiping for 21 days. Experts suggest wearing a coloured wristband throughout your time to keep you constantly aware of the challenge
4. A gratitude charm bracelet. Make and wear a symbol of your gratitude every day to remind you to appreciate the things that you DO have in life
5. Enjoy the moment. The ability to appreciate what’s in front of you has nothing to do with what you actually have. It’s more about how you measure the good things in your life at any given time
6. See every day as an opportunity. Set attainable goals and look at each day as an opportunity to improve on yesterday, rather than focusing on imperfections. By focusing on improvements, you’ll naturally move toward your larger dreams and will respect the way you’re doing things
7. Take action. If something is negative, be positive. If something isn’t right, change it so it is. Be the change you seek and set an example for those around you
8. Be responsible. Be who you want to be and act accordingly. If you don’t like something about yourself, have the courage to start looking at what it is and changing it
9. Want the things you already have. Be mindful of the achievements (and even material possessions) you have obtained in life and use them to your full advantage. Make a list of your achievements and accomplishments. Take time to reflect on how far you have come to appreciate where you are now
10. Understand what makes you happy. Learn to appreciate your individuality – no one is perfect, but you can be the perfect form of yourself
11. Meditate each day on the things that make you happy. Really take the time to focus on these positive things and give thanks
12. Treat yourself regularly. You can only appreciate the people and things around you when you appreciate yourself. Remember to reward yourself (a positive action) when you reach gratitude goals
13. Be grateful for your health. Ensure you maintain peak condition by eating the right foods and participating in regular exercise.
14. Practise seeing what you have. Avoid waiting until you lose something to appreciate it! Start a list of the things you’re grateful for – it may include: family, friends, lovers, health, your environment, your senses, electricity, music, recycling, air conditioning, your happiness etc
15. Volunteer for the less fortunate. Spending time working with the homeless, sick or another disadvantaged group is a great way to put the things you do have into perspective
16. Make a scrapbook of the good things in your life. This will be a visual reminder with pictures or symbolic representations of the things you’re most grateful for
17. Watch a powerful movie such as “The Pursuit of Happyness” or “Pay it Forward” to motivate you to continue taking steps to show your appreciation of life.

Appreciating people in our life
Unfortunately, it’s often people we lose more than material things when we’re taking something for granted. And it isn’t until they’re gone that we realise our behaviour. How can you avoid this?
1. Remember the reasons that person is close to you. What qualities attracted you to them in the first place? How often do you appreciate these qualities? Remember why they’re a part of your life
2. Tell the people in your life you love them and why you think they’re special. Verbalising you’re positive feelings will reinforce them in your heart
3. Recognise the person’s current expressions of the same qualities that attracted you in the beginning. Living in the moment helps us to really see how valuable others are to us
4. Take time to respond when someone you care about is doing something that you appreciate. Send a clear message of appreciation – a smile, a comment, a helping hand, a gift, positive feedback… it can be anything
5. Spend time each day appreciating these special people in your life and listing the reasons why. This will affect your attitude towards the special people in your life – making it positive!

How to change things when you don’t appreciate them
Having the courage to change things when you’re not happy with them can take a lot of courage. Sometimes we are too comfortable with things to change them, sometimes we have good excuses for why we should stick with the way things are (often holding onto hot coals for far too long), and sometimes it’s just laziness.
1. Figure out what you need to change and be clear with yourself why it needs to change
2. Set yourself a goal to break the habit or change the situation – including a deadline
3. Make the change happen. Reward yourself when you complete the change and build a new, positive habit (or situation) in its place.

Living with integrity

Integrity simply means not violating one’s own identity. Erich Fromm

Imagine how great the world would be if everyone did exactly what they said they were going to do, when they said they were going to do it. More and more often procrastination, excuses and other obstacles get in the way preventing a lot of people from delivering this. Before we know it, we’re wearing thin because our integrity is being ignored.

Integrity regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs. Essentially, living with integrity is aligning your values with your actions.

A lot of the time when we aren’t living with integrity it is affecting (i.e. letting down) other people. How many times have you heard someone promise something to charity – and not do it? How many times have you been let down socially? What about when working as part of a team in the office? Are you the person you want to be at the moment, or can you see some areas where you are letting yourself and others down?

The importance of integrity
Integrity is important in everybody’s lives as it will lead to strong personal relationships, long term success, consistency in one’s life and it is great for leadership skills. We can’t lead and inspire others if we are not acting with integrity. In fact, if you want to be a positive influence, act with integrity, treat others with respect and live by positive values.

Integrity is first knowing yourself – your values, desires, talents, dreams … and then being true to that self in all actions and interactions. It’s having behaviour that is congruent with your values. When your actions are aligned with your values, you conduct yourself authentically, sincerely and openly. When you clarify your values, it assists with setting goals that are consistent with those values – bringing purposes and passion to your life.

Some values to help you act with integrity
Below are some values to assist you in acting with integrity.
Responsibility: Take responsibility and ownership of your life, your actions and who you are as a person.
Attitude: Be confident and comfortable within yourself and you will have no reason to belittle others or act with arrogance. You can build confidence simply by working on your communication skills.
Commitment: Align your words and actions and follow through with anything you say you will do. When we keep our commitments, trust is built.
Honesty: Be open about your objectives and motives with other people. Where there is high trust, what you see is what you get.
Values: Make sure you have a strong set of core beliefs. If you wish to alter any of these, I highly recommend looking into Schema Therapy.
Consistency: Make the right decisions and do it consistently. Don’t lie to anyone about anything.
Reinforcement: Choose your behaviour to reflect your values and you’ll move through life with authenticity, sincerity and wholeness. Some examples of aligning your actions with your values may include:
Value: Honesty = be truthful
Value: Commitment = follow through
Value: Independence = do your own thing.

Benefits of living with integrity
Life coach Cheryl Richardson says that living without integrity makes goals harder to reach, attracts people into your life who will make you feel bad, and you start losing faith in yourself.
– People living with integrity are often seen as: trustworthy, decent, honest, moral, virtuous, appropriate, mindful, ethical, authentic, fair and credible.
– When you live with integrity, you succeed. You are open and honest. Your life is uncomplicated and less stressful.
– Integrity can be like a butterfly effect – people follow your example and act more honestly.
– Living with integrity means you live with less regrets – you stick to what you know is right or wrong.
– Integrity helps us handle criticism more easily.
– When you make a mistake, it’s easier to accept responsibility and move forward.

How to live with integrity
(1) Concentrate on how you spend your time and money. To live a life with integrity, you spend your time according to what is of most value to you. This could be working, seeing family, working for charity, taking care of yourself (exercising, meditating/reflecting, cooking, sleeping etc). When it comes to money – maximise your real hourly wage, be conscious of your spending, eliminate spending money on things with low value.
(2) Don’t settle for less than what you deserve in your relationships. Start challenging yourself – ask yourself what life would be like if you had the ideal partner, more supportive friends, a more gratifying job or a happier and more fulfilling life. Ask yourself how those changes look and feel. You’ll find that because they look and feel better than what you’re currently experiencing, you’ll be more compelled to make the changes that align with that new vision of your life.
(3) Ask for what you want. Understanding your needs helps you establish solid boundaries. Making your needs known to those around you, helps you to enforce those boundaries and teaches others how to treat us.
(4) Speak your truth (even if it upsets people). Expressing our truths is one of the most powerful privileges we have as humans. If we speak our truth with caring and respect, then the message can be that much more effective.
(5) Be true to yourself. Make decisions based on your beliefs.

Looking for more information about acting with integrity? Check out this fantastic clip on YouTube by Sagebrush Community!