What to do when it’s all about them

Have you ever dated someone and they seem to be all about themselves? What they want to do? When they want to see you? There’s no compromise?

These irritating little quirks often appear towards the end of the first month or near the beginning of the second month of dating.

Sometimes it can be difficult to tell if someone is truly into you. On one hand they call you all the time and seem to enjoy talking to you. On the other hand they may seem unable to regularly commit to catching up in person. Perhaps you’re dating someone who just doesn’t seem to be able to give up time with their friends.

This person is possibly still fitting you into their values spectrum – they’re not sure if it will work out or not – and they don’t know whether to prioritize you or not. It’s not something you need to worry too much about in these early stages of dating.

But it can be frustrating!

So what can you do? How can you play it cool?



Why I no longer have a profile picture on Facebook

I’m not protesting against Facebook having rights to my photos.

I don’t care that people can find me more easily.

I am taking a stand against judgement.


Think about it!


Keeping your love alive at a distance

No couple is together ALL the time. Distance relationships may or may not be your thing. Reuniting can be awkward. It can be really hard – particularly when people are falling in love around you and you see them hanging out all the time.


If the love is truly there, don’t give up!

So how can you keep the love you have alive with someone at a distance and still feel excited about being in a relationship with that person – even when they’re on the other side of the world? Celebrities do it all the time and Sarah Webb, the Director of Relationship Free offers these amazing tips from her own experience!


Asking the alternative question to confront the real fear

I haven’t posted for a little while because I’m currently getting set to go to America for two months! My motivations for my trip are mixed – I want to network at various events and in each city I visit as much as I can and get my business name (Relationship Free) out there; and I also want to relax, have a holiday and see this country that I’ve been trying to get to all my life.

The thing is … a few weeks ago I met the most amazing guy. That’s how it always starts, but he really is pretty cool – and it’s not just the surfer façade, though I’ll be honest, he is in pretty good shape! Since we only just met and I have these checklists of coaching-related things I want to do (that wouldn’t spark his interest at all) he is not coming. And I’m not putting the offer on the table.

This is the first thing in my life I really want to do on my own. Though, ask me any other year before this one – I had a fantasy of falling in love with someone (else) and travelling the world with them. I’m glad it happened this way. I fell in love with myself, I got my back completely and I’m set to travel America on my own. Leaving all the excuses, blame and tension fights far away. I’ve got this! So while it’s not how I expected my fantasy would be, it is still exactly as it was meant to be!

So what came up for me as I started packing the other day was some thoughts. I was sitting around thinking about it (aka procrastinating) and I thought to myself: “I’m going to miss Ed so much…”

Quickly following was another thought which surprised me…


How long should the polite phase last?

Some of my girlfriends hold back from being completely honest with their partner for six months, until they truly know them, others reveal everything upfront and are more comfortable with being vulnerable. Me? I think it’s up to the individuals in the relationship and dependent on how you feel in the relationship. How long is a piece of string?

The “polite phase” can make some people crazy, particularly if it stretches out endlessly. I don’t mean polite as in the ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ pleasantries – they should stretch out forever – no, I’m talking about that uncomfortable ‘Should I ask before I steal their food off their plate?” kind of polite. This week Relationship Free explores four things you can do to fast-track your polite phase in your relationship.


What dating beliefs are you holding onto?

iStock_000033012016_woman-heart-hands_452x325pxI caught up with one of my newest and most amazing girl friends for coffee today, Nat, and I was telling her about another friend who had a terrible dating experience with a girl he met from an online dating site.

I live in a world where it’s not too difficult to date: You meet a person, you like them, you hang out.

Dating. Simple.

This man shared that sentiment – because he’s gorgeous and dating had previously never been hard. He always dated the most beautiful, intelligent girls. But now he finds himself in his 30s, unsure if he wants to settle down and most of his friends have families.

On this particular date, the girl first showed up out of nowhere and then started ranting and raving at him – who happens to be particularly shy – because he hadn’t allowed her to stay the night.

It was only the second time they had met.

“So of course my next question is…


Fear of FIL

Have you got the fear of FIL (Falling In Love)?

Fallen only to get hurt one too many times?

Perhaps getting hurt is all you’ve ever known so as soon as the other person shows signs of insecurity – no matter how well it’s going – you push back with significant force to protect yourself. Maybe you cut communication with the other person to avoid getting hurt.

Have you ever just woken up one morning and the fear of FIL was clouding your mind so much you couldn’t think? You’re lying next to the other person and they’re talking about the future or making plans and you feel so flat you can’t decide what you want to do in the next five minutes? The fear of FIL is energy sucking and exhausting. And although the acronym is mine, there is a condition called Philophobia which is a fear of attachment and falling in love.


Releasing the butterflies: how to have a successful first date

A lot of people in the Fresh Start phase come to me and say dating isn’t fun and they want to opt out. There’s no doubt dating can be challenging and – at times – painful but over the years, I’ve noticed that generally when I’m not that into a person – they’re probably not that into me either. I’ve also discovered some great ways you can date in a way that preserves your heart, until you’re ready to take that bigger step.

I went on a first date not too long ago after several years of being single following an abusive relationship. I remember telling a client, who was also in an abusive relationship, that I was still dating and she got worried “that would be her” and I explained that I’d rather continue dating to find the right one, than stay in my abusive relationship – any day. Because dating after abuse or even a toxic relationship can be very different to ever before if you put the right groundwork into yourself.

So something I noticed on this date – one of my first back in the dating game – was that I was a lot more confident, a lot more fun, a lot more outgoing – and a lot more successful in attracting the right person for me, seeing them again and earning their respect and appreciation.

I’ve narrowed it down to a few crucial elements that I want to share with you – so I’m going to bring you inside my first date.


Should you stay or should you go?

I Love YouWhen one person wants space in a relationship and the other one doesn’t it can create enormous tension in the relationship and raise the question for both people: should I stay or should I go? Should I put space between us or should I communicate more?

When the desire to love and be loved is biologically driven – how are you meant to know the right way to respond to this situation?

First, it is important to be aware of and understand the Love Addict/Love Avoidant scenario so you know where you sit and can understand your own actions. Although both titles may appear confronting, when you understand how they show up, you’ll also understand just how common these categories are and the essential need to make it right.


Speaking of self love…

How awesome is Laverne Cox right now?

We all love a celebrity who uses their status for good, but when Laverne turned up on the red carpet for the 2015 Billboard Music Awards and said “You’ve got to look in the mirror when you leave the house and go, ‘Damn, I look good,’” – we cheered!

Not only did this girl get it, she was feeling it in her Marc Bouwer dress and silver pumps – pictured.

And she didn’t then go on a mission to say she was great at it all the time – the girl kept it real:

“I try, but I’m very nitpicky, so I’m always finding the things that need to be improved,” she said, adding, “But also in that nitpickiness, I try to celebrate myself in any moment. Even if I find a flaw, I have to love that flaw today.”


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