All about toxic relationships and how to let go


Don’t be upset if people prefer another to you, it’s difficult to convince a monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas. Anonymous

Are you in a relationship that is making you feel bad about yourself? Are you doubting yourself or finding you’re having paranoid thoughts about your actions and their impact? Do you find yourself acting out in ways that you never have before? Are you constantly distressed and not sure if you’re relationship is coming or going? Are you isolated from your loved ones or has your self-esteem plummeted due to continuing this relationship? I bet you can’t recognise yourself anymore too… DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT!

We have all encountered toxic people in our life, but for those of us unlucky enough to experience a toxic relationship, you will understand how these feelings and symptoms mentioned above crept subtly into your relationship and started affecting it, and how painful it is to let the person go – particularly because you will generally love them and care for them that little bit extra because they have needed you and dragged you down at the same time. Sometimes we need to love someone from a distance and unfortunately this means the process of detoxing yourself from them. If your partner is putting you down, crushing your spirit or you have found out that they are cheating on you, this blog is for you. This week, Relationship Free looks at how you can release yourself from a toxic relationship and get on with a happier life – even if it means being alone.

Read the full article here.


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Happiness Weekly encourages readers to proactively work towards a successful, happy and secure existence. Just like happiness – Happiness Weekly is for everyone.

50 responses to “All about toxic relationships and how to let go”

  1. says :

    I have been surfing online more than 2 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as
    you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before.

    • happinessweekly says :

      Thank you so much for your beautiful comment.
      I really appreciate you taking the time to deliver such positivity to my page.
      Come back any time! Or if you have a suggestion for a blog, please let me know and I’ll see what I can do.
      Best wishes,

  2. unhinged254 says :

    This post was scary as hell! I cant help but think that maybe you know who i am. I jumped out of one and went straight into another( which i am still in). I have tried to go, i have tried to be rational. He has cut me down and sometimes i get the nerve to end things..or push him to the point where he does it. And then he just… he calls me back and i’m forgiving him. A day later he is back to blaming me and im back to crying….

    • happinessweekly says :

      Hi Unhinged,
      Firstly, you don’t sound unhinged at all!
      I wanted to thank you for sharing your story and blog with us. I have also been through a similar and very difficult situation and for someone always happy: my world also came shattering around me like shards of glass.
      It’s hard to know how to get back up or where to get started. They say time heals all, but time takes time. I wanted to bring clarity and hope in my blog.
      In my scenario, one day I was in the perfect relationship, then next day, I didn’t know if the whole thing was just a lie. As cliche as it sounds: I did NOT see it coming!
      I really identified with your playground analogy. That’s EXACTLY what it feels like. Hang in there!
      Every second is an opportunity to make a change, start fresh, and live the life you want.
      I wish I could make things easier for everyone and take all sting out of cheating. Cheating is the ultimate relationship crime.

      • Emma Rebecca Marsden says :

        This completely applies to me also. He ended it the day we were meant to go on holiday after living together and believing he was my soulmate. It was completely out of the blue and ripped my world apart. 4 months on it’s still really hard. I realised he was a narcissist on steroids and the relationship wasn’t right and was taking everything from me and so many people are so glad I’m out of it but I can’t help but still feel like the world doesn’t feel right anymore. Some days I still fall into the trap of what if, what might have and what should have been. I’ve had no contact for 2 months now and I know it’s best but I too still think about if we’d made up. How long did it take you? I’m getting there slowly I think but it’s still very very hard.

      • happinessweekly says :

        Hi Emma,
        Thank you for getting in touch and congratulations for going no contact and sticking to it! It is really hard at first, but taking it one day at time helps.
        From the moment I could see through my ex’s lies and manipulative ways (he was the ultimate narcissist) I went to no contact which I haven’t broken – even when I was forced to see him, I still managed not to break it. I did everything I had to do, within my power, NOT to break it – that’s how important it was to me and it was expensive, but I still look at it as one of the best financial decisions I’ve made.
        For me, it’s been exactly 387 days in my healing journey – including no contact – and each day counts because it’s a day further from the most traumatic relationship I’ve ever encountered. For me, the narcissistic abuse turned physical and even threatened my life on several occasions. I have actually never been so terrified and at the same time, so apathetic over my life and if I were to live or die.
        Even after I went no contact and he claimed I was harassing him – not the other way around, he still continued to contact me – several times – and despite my best efforts, no one stood in to protect me. So I did it on my own. And now I want to teach other people how they can get that strong on their own as well, because it really was one of the most self-empowering things I’ve done in my life and I can promise you, it saved me. If I went back again, he would have killed me. I can say that for sure.
        And you know what? I inspired myself along the way. During my recovery, I was traumatised: so I started writing. I wrote the story, eBooks, programs … I studied my butt off and now I’ve started my business, Relationship Free, to help other women get free – without police and legal systems. And not just physically and emotionally but also spiritually and to help them reconnect with their soul. Because what I suffered took me so far from anything I’d ever encountered and I realised: if I could go through it, other people could too.
        So the best advice I can give is: find yourself a buddy, someone who understands what you’ve experienced and team up so you can do your recovery journey together. Learn from each other and encourage each other. I was really lucky, a lady connected with me from America and really … it’s like we were in an armed hold up together. We’ve never met, and we didn’t share EXACTLY the same experience, but the bond we formed simply through understanding each other was exceptionally helpful and essential in my recovery.
        Being a wounded healer, I like to offer that to people with my support as well, however I do have fees for my coaching and support services. If you would like to know more, please get in touch on
        Don’t be afraid to be your own hero and stand in for yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get free and safe from this person, and never look back. No matter what it takes to keep your focus forward – keep going!
        Best wishes,
        Sarah x

  3. NK says :

    I am so glad I read this. But I got to get something of my chest.
    When I met my wife I was 22 years old and fairly new to the dating scene. She came out of a very strict home. So as months went on she talked about not wanting to live anymore, and that she wants to drink pills. So I thought that it would be best to ask her to marry me to take her out of her misery and because I was scared of losing her I was so young and dumb. So we started to talk about marriage but after a while I just felt that I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility. So when I told her how I felt she will get emotional, cry and get mad. So after a while I told her I think we should break up because we want different things in live and then once again she would get emotional and even sick and I would feel sorry for her. So awhile later I made her pregnant and she told me that we must get married, and told her family and friends that we are getting married. I told her how I felt and then she said that if I don’t marry her I will not see my child.
    So we have been married for 3 years now I feel miserable as hell and empty inside and starting to resent her more and more. I just want to be there for my baby girl because I love her so much

    • happinessweekly says :

      Hi NK,
      Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m very sad to hear of your situation. It’s never too late to change your story.
      It sounds as though you’ve been badly emotionally manipulated into your situation and I’m sorry to hear it. But you can change your circumstances. Please don’t be afraid to seek professional advice on your next steps towards happiness if that is what you seek.
      Take care, and hang in there,

  4. Allie @ Between Dreams says :

    Oh wow! I’ve just stumbled upon this post, and just wanted to say thank you so, so much for the reference! I’m absolutely THRILLED you resonated with some of my words, and beyond happy that you are out there, spreading love around and using your words to impact people’s lives in a positive, authentic way.

    You are such a gorgeous soul, and it shines right through the screen! xx

    • happinessweekly says :

      Thank you for your lovely comment.

      I’m so glad my blog left a positive impression – please tell your friends about Happiness Weekly and if you have any ideas for future blogs, please contact me and I’ll see what I can do 🙂

      Have a great day!

      Best wishes,

  5. Marc says :

    All I can say is WOW! I’m now on day 5 of leaving a toxic relationship with my girlfriend of 5 months. I can honestly say, your words helped me tremendously! I have been sitting here (again) thinking about what I did wrong, why it didn’t work, etc when the whole time she’s lied, hid things from me, disappeared for hours, cell phone died, battery is acting weird, speaking to her ex which we agreed she wouldn’t do, on and on and on. Of course, I just kept going back, spending money, time, effort on something that was FAKE like you said. I’m a single father of 3 kids and this relationship has taken a toll on my emotions not just with me, but the people I love around me and no one, and I MEAN NO ONE is worth that. Thank you so much for such a great article.

    • happinessweekly says :

      Hi Marc,
      Thank you for your kind words – I’m glad I could bring you some comfort in your present situation. It is very disheartening being betrayed and lied to. And sometimes even the detoxing process can feel almost impossible. Stick with it – you’ll find a whole new energy soon!
      Best wishes,

  6. Basquiat says :

    This is amazing–I’m in an incredibly toxic relationship right now. I’m suspecting him of cheating with this woman who has been in and out of his life, and he accuses me of being paranoid.I’ve whined so much, his friend has actually asked why I’m with him. He has anger management issues–he has hit me a couple of times before and now he has stopped hitting me and has now started to throw things. I find myself reacting physically as well something I’ve never done before. Every time he says something hurtful or baits me by saying he should go with someone else. He has a drinking problem and got into a major accident because of it–initially he promised he would stop drinking entirely, then he says he would control and just now, he just asked for whiskey and when I refused, he yelled and said he wanted to drink any time he wanted.

    AND YET–I find it so hard to let go. I really don’t know why. Stockholm Syndrome? I keep stopping him from leaving! Just now, he wanted to leave, I’m angry, I’m cajoling, I’m sad, I’m emotionally blackmailing him. He’s angry, he’s yelling.

    It’s been two years and I don’t know why I’m still hanging on. Any tools to stop thinking about it or learning to say OK in spite of the insults he hurls at me while trying to leave? I know you’ve highlighted some tools here but I really need help. Delete everything? He’s going to do the same and find someone else. Or I will be alone.

    I really don’t understand the person I’ve become.

    • happinessweekly says :

      Hi Mindy,
      Your story sounds somewhat painfully familiar to me from what now feels like lifetimes ago. Although I can identify and empathise with you, unfortunately I don’t have the answers for you in your situation, but I’m sure if you did some soul searching, you would find them and the strength to do as you need on your own. Reading what you have just said and thinking things through may help you see things from a different perspective. Keep a journal … ask yourself how happy you REALLY are,a nd keep challenging yourself until you change something. In your situation, something NEEDS to change!
      I am actually currently writing a blog to add to this one about love addiction, which you may also be able to relate to. I found this blog the other day and it made me think of your comment – I hope it helps and provides comfort – you are certainly not alone:
      I wish I could wave a magic wand and make the pain go away and help you to find some courage within to take a stand. But unfortunately I can’t. Keep yourself safe and take some time out to think about what YOU really want and the direction your life is travelling.
      Seek help before things get too dangerous and remember you are in control over the situation, even if it FEELS as though its controlling you. People and situations only have control if you let them.
      Best wishes,

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  9. Annie says :

    I’ve been in a toxic relationship with my boyfriend and the worst thing I did was moving in with him knowing that he had some of these issues. I was already going through an emotional wreck a year ago when I met him I was struggling beign alone and needed someone after I ended a terrible marriage.. I met my boyfriend who is a liar, a cheater, compulsive and manipulates everything. I left my apt put my things in a storage and move to another state to be with him.Big Huge Mistake. When I leave he tells me I caint leave him he needs me. I cook and do everything for him and he has taking advantage of myself and love for him. Yes my self esteem is so bad and I’m ready to go but I’m so afraid. He tells me it’s me not him. I get confused and I’m exhausted. I read this blog please advise me.

    • happinessweekly says :

      Hi Annie,
      Thank you so much for dropping me a line. I may not have an exact answer for you but here’s what I would recommend in your situation.
      Leaving a toxic relationship – as I have learnt myself over the past couple of weeks – can literally be fighting fire with fire. The manipulation and games won’t stop – prepare yourself for this as best you can. I wasn’t prepared. I got caught off guard. I missed opportunities to make various moves because “I couldn’t possibly put him through that…” It’s very conflicting when you’re trying to move forward and a flashback of a good time appears, or a moment when you can see he needed you and a gap where you could have helped him better or more. Erase these from your mind and focus.
      The fear of leaving a toxic relationship is the silence and loneliness that follows such drama and upset. It’s irrational. Do not give into it. Do what you need to do to fill this void if that’s joining a series of internet chat sites so you can talk it out – do it! But PLEASE be careful in doing this because you are vulnerable but even just chatting online can help and it’s a good ego boost – it won’t take long for him and his insults to be proved wrong. DO NOT meet anyone offline or go on any official dates for at least six months following your situation. If you need your girlfriends around you, make a list of your most reliable ones and any moment you feel the need to contact him, lean on them.
      Here’s a bit of a checklist of what I recommend:
      1. You moved house and put your things in storage and did all these massive things for him before (don’t feel bad, I am guilty of making that same mistake) – focus only on what you can do now. Why do it for him and not yourself? Start preparing yourself for a move – this is going to be a quick one and the last one to come. It’s time for a new adventure. Don’t continue where you’re in a place where he knows where you are or knows where you work.
      2. Go to a phone shop and ask for a new SIM card and a new number. I actually did this THREE times this year. You need to CUT ALL CONTACT from this man and go out of your way to do it. Your friends will accept it and update your details, it’s a tiny inconvenience to rescue your life back and have a brighter future. NEVER EVER give this man your new number – we need to get him out of the picture for good. Giving him your new number will only leave an opportunity for him to come back in and to hear more convincing lies. Don’t let yourself be manipulated – enough is enough.
      3. Surround yourself with people. Once you move or get your own place, get someone to stay with you. When you wake in tears (because you will – you need to detox and you will go through all the denial), have them there with you ready to give you a hug or put a hand on you to calm you. Do not choose anyone who is sleazy or start dating someone else, because at this stage you will generally attract all the wrong people. I was very fortunate in finding a very loyal male friend to stay with me, which meant I got comfort but also felt safe and secure in the case of him coming over. Remember, the police are always there if you need them too – do not be afraid to report him or ask for assistance. It is extremely difficult to grapple with but sometimes if you don’t get in first, the situation will intensify and these lying manipulators will draw the situation out of control.
      4. If you need it get yourself help from a professional. Work out your actual problem by doing some soul searching and some research online and then find the best possibly psychologist in your problem area and make an appointment. My problem, which sounds as though it may be similar to yours, was love addiction – see my most recent blog post. Jumping out of the frypan and into the fire isn’t as uncommon as you think. You are not alone.
      Annie, this is going to be like fighting fire with fire. He will not let you go and if he gets wind of you backing off, it will intensify. Brace yourself. Act carefully. Be decisive in your movements. ESCAPE! That’s my best advice. Get out of there and get out of there as quickly and as safely as you can. Don’t listen to threats or promises – you owe him nothing. Make a plan and stick to it. You’ve acknowledged the relationship is toxic – you can do better than that.
      Hit the accelerator and don’t look back.
      Good luck and if you need any further advice or if I can help you more, please contact me at

  10. Wendy Husain says :

    What helped me, was to visualise my girl/boy friend and imagine the person I wanted them to be.
    You then imagine dumping that amazing person, who was your boy/girl friend
    and walking away and leaving and never coming back,

    For me this got rid of some form of attachment, by that perfect person,
    no matter what would want me to leave and break there heart, because it is best for the both of us.

    Even if it could have worked!!!!!!

    Strange technique….. TRY IT !!!

  11. mangel03 says :

    What do I do if I have kids with this toxic person? He’s in my life for a while because our girls are young.

    • happinessweekly says :

      Thank you for contacting me, Mangel03 – in order to know what to do, you will have to know what you have done. Can I recommend a life coach for support in discovering this in an empowered way for yourself. I am currently offering probono coaching if you would like my help with this. You can contact me on:

  12. jgalicecooper says :

    Well, I’m a guy trying to end a t.r. Her and I have been back and forth on ending it for months now. 2 1/2 years of wild ups and downs. I’m addicted to her, but see every sign you can imagine that I need to get out. Every symptom is there. This is painfully hard. It feels like I don’t have many people to lean on because everyone was against this relationship from the beginning. I’m feeling lost without her but its obvious she is no good for me emotionally. Your article helped open my eyes. Thank you. I’m off to find a therapist…

    • happinessweekly says :

      Thank you for your comment.

      You are not alone on being in a toxic relationship and addicted to your partner. Well done for being self aware and acknowledging that!

      I now specialise in this area and may be able to offer you the support you need. I won’t advise you, but I can help guide and empower you to make a decision.

      If you feel I could offer assistance, please get in touch:

  13. mirandaamq says :

    I really felt indentified with this article, it helped a lot!
    So I was best friends with this guy for about 2 years, I have known him all my life though. And it was just so hard, to be friends and me being in love, and stoped talking and he apologizing and I stupidly came back. But always felt sad and empty. I just couldn’t visualice my life without him, although I knew it was really toxic I could not find a way to let go. Later on he faked love for me, used me, cheated on. After two years of total despair and depression I realised it was the best, no matter how painful. Although I am still crying and overthinking, reading this gave me hope. Hope that it will be alright someday. It might take long and it might take energy but it’s for the best. Thank you for giving me that hope.

  14. attheendoftheweek says :

    Reblogged this on attheendoftheweek and commented:
    More thoughts on toxic relationships. What do you think??

  15. bark6487 says :

    Thankyou such inspirational words, I have been through hell and back and can say that I’m now free of a bad relationship, but my brain still keeps ne prisoner, it has been almost two years now since the breakup, had police involved and all,. Now when I see that person unexpectedly at a cash register in the same shop or on the other side of the road I suffer badly with panic attacks and anxiety issues, I can go months and I’m fine, but seeing that person brings everything back.

    • happinessweekly says :

      Hi Bark6487,
      Thank you for your comment and I sincerely apologise for the delay in my response. It can be so difficult to see the person who has inflicted so much pain on us and where we have experienced trauma, it can trigger us to feel like we’re back in that moment again and cause that panic.
      Have you tried practising mindfulness to bring you back into the present moment? There are some great apps on smartphones including Headspace (10 days of 10 minutes) and Smiling Minds. If you can bring yourself back to the present moment and remind yourself they can’t hurt you anymore, it should assist with keeping you strong for those moments where you do bump into them.
      If you need more assistance, I recommend working with a good life coach, psychotherapist or psychologist who may be able to assist you in moving forward while they’re still int he neighbourhood.
      take care,
      Sarah xx

  16. scared (@A_bit_scared) says :

    I’m very grateful to have found this post. My boyfriend of three years basically pushed me into breaking up with him yesterday. The added problem is that we work together, literally in the same office. I have never, in three years, ever met any of his friends or his family, whereas he has met everyone I know though in the last year or so he never made the effort to do anything with me in a group outside of work. I have been very unhappy for the last year but whenever I tried to suggest seeing each other more or even just having a hug in the corridor he told me I was being clingy and nagging him.

    Yesterday he was too cowardly to actually say the words himself. He just kept saying why would you want to be with someone who never wants to see you, why would you want to be with someone who never wants to get married, living with you would be like living in a prison. This conversation all took place in a traffic jam… So the next day at work, having got home convinced he was going to at least have text saying “Are you OK?” I had nothing, so I tried to talk to him again. I said I don’t understand what is going on, are we still together and he just said I don’t know. He then said that he “needed time to think while away with work for the week” and that I had to respect his decision. I ended up texting him in the evening saying that I couldn’t just wait a week to just be crushed, so that we should draw a line. I got a text in reply saying perhaps that was for the best and that he never wanted to hurt me and he is sorry but he hopes I can forgive him one day.

    Now all I can think is how I have to see him every single day, when I love him so much and I genuinely would rather be unhappy and with him then not with him at all.

    Our relationship wasn’t fake, it deteriorated and he was too cowardly to end it so just strung me along for a year waiting for me to do it. I just feel so utterly devastated right now.

    • happinessweekly says :

      Hi Scared, I’m sorry to hear your story and the pain you’re experiencing as a result. Thank you for sharing it with us and I wish you all the best on your healing journey. Each day it will get better, it will hurt less and you will be glad it happened the way it did. Everything happens for a reason. If you’re looking for a positive distraction as you rebuild, I highly recommend the book Soul Coaching by Denise Linn.
      Keep looking forward and please get in touch if you think I can be of any assistance to you.
      Best wishes,

  17. Haley (@pandaxo212) says :

    i am just now trying to figure out if my relationship is toxic because half the time our arguments cause me so much stress I’m nearly shaking. He’s very manipulative, used to be a long time ex drug addict, mental illnesses, no high school degree, has a record (felonies), constantly puts me down and its never about me its all about him. he accuses me of cheating, is very immature, listens to rumors, plays phone tag games with me and sends me paragraphs how he’s talking to other girls but just to “piss me off” he’s lied to me about drugs before, talked to a girl and lead her on, everything was okay until i gave birth to our daughter and the night i did he told me to go fuck myself and that he’s going back to his ex girlfriend, right after i gave birth he told me these things!! he thinks a sorry is okay and I’m supposed to move on and forget about it. anytime we fight or tend to break up he always calls and we make up. there is so much bad stuff but yet I love him and something is holding me back from leaving him. memories and my heart is still attached. any advice on how to make the decision to move on? or what to do

    • happinessweekly says :

      Hi Haley,
      I’m sorry to hear of your suffering and heartache. I have more information on my website that may help you ( including some Tips to Freedom and you can also book a one-on-one appointment with me online to get the support you need. Dr Phil says we can’t change what we don’t acknowledge, so once you identify what kind of relationship you’re in, you’re in a much better position to be able to fix it.
      Please contact me at if I can assist any further.
      Best wishes,

  18. Mitzi Palmer says :

    Reblogged this on Blue-eyed Broken Beauty Queen and commented:

  19. littlehope121 says :

    Hi I looked at all ur comments and read down through them and I can honestly say I am the toxic one in the relationship I was so horrible to her and even spat at her I was always calling her names and treating her bad I had no respect for her and blamed everything on her, she was a great person and would have done anything for me, she is with someone else now and I have to be happy for her and leave her be happy, I hate myself everyday for being this way towards a person I claimed to love. I worry that I won’t be able to find love again because I will turn in to that monster I was with her, it is just mental torture I put her through and I can’t understand what is wrong with me, I just want to be a real man to a women and treat her like a princess and a queen. Why are some men like this? Why am I like this? It’s not what I want for my future but I feel like I am so mental that I can’t be with anyone iv been in two relationships in my life and both girls left me after long struggles and in hope that I could change. its like I am looking at myself acting this way but am powerless to stop it. I hope that any man like me who has treated a women with the amount of disrespect I have knows he should stay away from women and stay on his own. I am so happy when I am not in a relationship never fight with anyone or get angry at anything I am just a happy chap. We are the kind of people women should not go near. a real man never speaks to a women with any form of disrespect and that is the kind of man I dream to be, sadly it is to much of a risk to take when I fall for a girl I can’t control my mouth and am so afraid of her leaving me or hurting me I scare them away with my craziness. I would do anything to help my problem and I think about it everyday. I attract women but have no confidence at all I don’t feel good enough or something and I feel like everyone is better than me I don’t know why I just do, P.s I miss my ex so much but am so embarrassed about the way I treated her that I think it would be an insult to even think about telling her. I am currently sinking help and seeing a shrink..

    • happinessweekly says :

      Thank you for sharing with me, Littlehope121.
      It sounds as though you’ve made a lot of progress just in recognising that it wasn’t a healthy relationship – that doesn’t mean YOU are unhealthy … it just means the combination wasn’t right for you. Sometimes we bounce off other people and the energy they bring us which makes us act in ways that aren’t authentic to us. That certainly doesn’t make inappropriate behaviour ok, but it sounds as though you’re taking a lot of the blame for this when perhaps it’s not all your fault.
      The best thing you can do for her, any future spouses and most of all yourself is FORGIVE yourself. You can’t change the past but you can change yourself. So what are you doing to prevent it from happening again? I’d highly recommend concentrating your energies on self forgiveness and learning to love yourself properly so this doesn’t happen again. Listen to what’s going on inside you when you’re in a relationship – can you hear yourself saying you’re not good enough? Can you hear yourself bashing yourself up? What’s happening is you find yourself in a situation where you’re hurting yourself and you’re acting out as a way to cope.
      There could be something underlying in which case a psychiatrist would be helpful. There are various types of love addiction and narcissists and love avoidants fall under that category – they want to be in love, and love the idea, but they just can’t do it. They get scared and they respond … like how you did. You’re not alone and you’re doing the right thing getting help.
      You can take control over this and with the right support, you’ll be able to get back on track. I work over at Relationship Free ( and would make my own recommendations for moving you forward, but as you’re already working with a psychiatrist, I’d encourage you to continue there.
      Keep trying to get on top of this because the world needs the special love that only you can give.
      Sarah x

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