How to recover from a break up quickly
When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. It’s like death. Denis Quaid
Rest assured sorrowful hearts of the left behind, there is more ahead than what you’re experiencing at the moment. This week Happiness Weekly looks at how you can move forward from a break up smoothly and maintain your dignity. Nursing a broken heart hurts, but it will get better.
#1 Let yourself grieve
You’re going to cry, the spring in your step will disappear for a little while. Accept this and start making a list of all the things you’re looking forward to with your new found freedom. This list may include travelling overseas, moving away, starting a new hobby, changing your habits etc. Let yourself cry for the first 48 hours if you need to, but don’t let it drag on. Try to keep yourself busy and be patient.
#2 Turn your radio OFF
Ever noticed that every song on the radio seems to relate to you when you’re in a lot of pain, particularly caused by a break up or relationship difficulties? Any mushy songs just remind you of what you’re missing out on. It’s time to put a break up play list together and listen to it on repeat! Collect all your favourite break up songs to keep you strong – here’s a few (Top 40 style) to get you started:
Survivor – Destiny’s Child
What doesn’t kill you (Stronger) – Kelly Clarkson
Rehab – Rihanna
Sorry – Buckcherry
Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
Trouble or Picture to Burn – Taylor Swift
Runaway Baby – Bruno Mars
Want the full list? Comment below with your favourite break up songs and request.
#3 Lean on a break up buddy
Everything is easier if you can share your pain or vent to someone that can fully empathise with you. Lean on your single friends – sadly, this cannot be the person you just broke off with. Start getting back out there as soon as you can. Make your break up buddy tag along. Of course this is all easier if your break up buddy is the same gender as you if you’re straight or opposite if you’re gay. Why? Because if you lean on someone you could get attracted to, trust me when I say the chances your feelings will get confused are high!
#4 Don’t hurt the person you’re separating from
There’s two quotes I keep in mind during a break up: “Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward,” Og Mandino and “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others and if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them,” Dalai Lama. So try to make the transition as easy as possible, whatever happens – no matter how angry you feel – be kind. Your kindness will make it easier on you in the long run. Respond to their texts if you want to, don’t go overboard – don’t beg for them back, at least remain a friend to them as much as you can. I also like to send an email thanking them for coming into my life and spending the time with me that they did, for the lessons they taught me and just letting them know that they are important to me. If you decide to break contact, explain that to the other person first – don’t just shut them out. It may be difficult to talk to them, but you’ll feel better than just ignoring them.
#5 Be kind to yourself
Lots of massages, facials, manicures, shopping, take yourself away, have long baths with wine … treat yourself as much as possible. Try to keep yourself busy and distracted with the things you love. Put the comfort food down! Work on yourself, spend some time at the gym, change your diet to be healthier. Keep yourself motivated, and keep looking forward. Don’t look back. Monitor yourself, and if you’re really not handling it – seek professional help. There’s no shame in seeing a counsellor or psychologist.
#6 Avoid social media channels
It’s time to give Facebook a rest for a few days. You’ll say things you regret, you may not be thinking rationally, your friends may be posting information that will make you feel upset. Maybe their lives are jetting forward while you feel as though you’re standing still or taking a step back. Save yourself from the agony.
#7 Don’t watch chick flicks
I will never understand this… why is it when girls break up with guys, they turn to chick flicks? They’re always happy endings! Doesn’t it just remind you of what you just lost or what you don’t have? You need to turn that crap off and get outside into some fresh air. Go for a walk. Sleep if you want to stay in. Watch a funny series show … but nothing with love … avoid the lovey dovey stuff while you try to get yourself back on track.
#8 Don’t do anything you’ll regret
Think of someone you want to make proud. When ever you act, pretend that they are watching you. Whatever happens, don’t do anything you’ll regret or that would disappoint this person. This exercise will certainly assist you with maintaining your dignity as you try to move on. Don’t say anything hurtful, don’t try to move on too quickly, just make your way through the motions as best you can.
#9 Don’t think why – just keep looking ahead
Don’t ask yourself why, you could drive yourself crazy as you continue going in circles. Sometimes things just happen for a reason but there’s no explanation at first. Accept it. Keep looking forward to what’s ahead and before you know it, you’ll arrive at a new destination and the sting from this break up will be a distant memory. Keep yourself as busy as possible for the first few weeks, try to get some sleep (I know this is hard when your heart is breaking, but try) and continue to do nice things for yourself. Nurture yourself, because only you will feel your pain and fully understand how that feels. Only you can soothe yourself.
#10 Read more break up quotes and do whatever it takes
Take one day at a time and do whatever it takes to move forward. Laugh as much as you can and enjoy the moments when you do. You may feel that you leave the relationship in steps – one minute you’ll like the idea of the separation, the next you’ll be in despair – go with the emotions and sit with them. As yucky as it feels at the moment, it won’t last. And read more break up quotes, it’ll make you feel less alone:
Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. Victoria Holt
Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you’re with an individual who isn’t moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it ain’t going to work. Usher
When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Alexander Graham Bell
I broke up with someone, and she said, “You’ll never find anyone like me again.” And I’m thinking, ‘I hope not!’ Does anybody end a bad relationship and say, “By the way, do you have a twin?” Larry Miller
What are your favourite tips for handling a break up?
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