How to get what you want
There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second. Logan Pearsall Smith
Have you ever noticed that a lot of people seem to go about asking for something in the wrong way? Complaints turn people off and build resistance – so how do you ask for something without sounding as though you’re complaining? The key to getting what you want is all in the way you approach the person.
Instead of focusing on the reasons why you are acting or feeling a certain way as a result of not having what you want (which this person can help you achieve), focus on putting your request forward as simply and straight forward as possible. For example, I recently had a dispute with my boyfriend (my favourite person on earth, by the way!) and it was all over the fact that he wouldn’t plan, therefore I felt that he wasn’t thinking of me and therefore he didn’t care about me. We sat down and had a long-winded conversation, and all it came down to was that I needed to say: “Sweety, once a month, can you plan a date for us, please?”
While my initial intention was to state facts to justify asking him to do something for me, I was sending out the wrong message, but by asking directly for what I wanted, he was more willing to oblige.
Timing is also very important because while selecting a good time to ask for what you want won’t necessarily guarantee success, choosing a bad time will guarantee failure.
Quick Tips: Getting what you want
1. Ask for it. Overcome your fear of rejection and say what you mean.
2. Focus your thoughts on what you want so your actions follow.
3. Set goals and take action, be proactive in working towards them. Write it down.
4. Depend on reciprocation – it’s satisfying. Be the first to give and give generously because sooner or later it will come back to you.
5. Be passionate and enthusiastic. Don’t give up! If you’re passionate it will come across in your enthusiasm and will influence others to more readily help you. If you share your passion and demonstrate a high level of enthusiasm for what you want, you are also more likely to get what you want.
How to persuade people effectively
Learning to persuade people to do what you want is a skill. Here are some quick tips on how to do it effectively to get what you want:
* Stand in their shoes. Look at the issue from their perspective. Ask what they’re looking for and discuss how your request will benefit them and their goals.
* Ensure your request is consistent with that person’s feelings, beliefs and actions. Frame your request into something that interests them and is in line with their values and goals.
* Make the person like you, because if they like you, they’ll trust you and are more likely to give you what you want. Having said that, other ways you can earn trust is to show your credentials and highlight your experience, be consistent, and act with integrity. Let them in on some private information – this is a subtle trick to earning trust. Always be honest with the person.
* Give examples of how others have agreed to your proposal and the outcome, and you will be more likely to persuade them. Make sure you’re comparing apples to apples when you do, the person in your example needs to be someone that person can relate to.
* Work as a team and play to win – together! Successful persuasion occurs when both sides are happy. Look for the win-win outcomes and work towards that.
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